Important Theories

Relativity. Conservation of Matter. You will get sick after flying on an airplane.

These are theories, tried and tested, and found to be constant in everyday life. And guess what? I have my own. I believe it shall be termed, "The theory of the perfect throw."

I believe that God gives a once in a lifetime gift to all people. He, in his infinite wisdom and sense of humor, imparts to each of his Earthly beings, one seriously beautiful and perfect snowball throw. This does not, however, apply to NFL quarterbacks or jugglers. I am talking about your average, Joe Schmo layperson.

I do not know what has me thinking of this today. Perhaps it is the fall-type weather, which makes me think that winter is right around the corner. Who knows, but here is my tale.

I witnessed my father's snowball throw of perfection many, many years ago. Unfortunately, my mother also witnessed it. She played a very necessary role in it, actually, that being the role of target. I was a young teenager skiing with our family in Colorado, and my sister and I found ourselves waiting at the bottom for our parents. My dad had skied down and was waiting under the cover of a copse of trees, while my mother was making her way down. Now, not to say that she is slow on skis, because she is like lightning. Really, blazing down the slopes. Well, not really, but she does have perfect form. While we were watching, my dad scooped down, packed up a snowball, waited for the perfect moment, and then let it fly. From our vantage point, we watched the entire thing....made easier by the fact that the moment he let the snowball soar into the air, the world started moving in slow motion. There was my mother, making her way gorgeously down the slope, completely unsuspecting of the frozen object making its way toward her. There was my dad's face....at first, full of mirth, and then changing, ever so slowly into concern....distress...and then, outright horror. For the moment he sailed that snowball into the air, he knew. He knew with absolute certainty that it was on a mission, and it was going to hit its target (my mother's face) dead on. There was nothing more he could do but watch it sail 50 feet, and wait for the destruction.

And destruction it was. It head her full on in the face, knocking her glasses off. Remember Velma from Scooby Doo? This was worse. My dad high-tailed it over to the scene, apologizing, scooping up items of skier paraphernalia and returning them to the enraged owner, trying very hard not to giggle. My sister and I were uncontrollable, rolling in the snow, tears running down our faces. Sorry, mom, but it was really funny.

Well, I was fortunate enough to have my perfect snowball throw several years back as well. And this time, the target was my husband. We were in Korea. A fresh blanket of snow had fallen, covering the mud and ever-present burning garbage smell. We were in Seoul for a few days as a New Year's celebration. After checking into the hotel, we went for a walk around the grounds. While strolling, enjoying the fairly fresh air, an idea formed in my head. A very nasty idea. So mean. I walked away from Mike a bit...probably about 25-30 yards. I then said, "Oh look. Someone up there in the restaurant is waving to us." While he turned around to investigate, I quickly scooped up some snow and packed it into a snowball. Then, I measured, calculated, and let it go. It sailed high into the Korean air, and I knew it. Just knew that it was a direct hit. I waited and watched and it arched higher and higher, and then began making its initial descent into Mike's face. At precisely the right moment, I called, "Oh never mind. I think they were waving at someone else. Hey, Mike!" He then turned toward me, to be immediately pummeled in the face with a snowball. Oh man! It was a thing of beauty! Pow! Right in the kisser! And, while my father had graciously skied over to assist my mother, I knew better. I turned around and ran like Hell!

Well, it didn't take long before he caught me, and while I can not remember the exact details, I am sure I was subjected to some sort of juvenille snow facial or something of the sort, but, oh- it was so worth it. I had my one true and perfect throw- direct hit on the target. But, wait a minute, I don't think that Mike has had his yet....