A Letter to my Child...

Dear Matthew,

I love you, but I believe that you are trying to drive me to the nuthouse. In your gentle and sweet manner, you politely refuse to do anything that your father and I ask you to do. We have yet to find a consequence that you actually care about.

Last evening, you finally were climbing into the tub after cleaning up all your messes, and you threw your clothing behind you as you climbed in. And then you decided at that exact moment that you would remember to flush the toilet, which we have been hounding you about for months. You haven't flushed the toilet in eons. Well, congratulations, my boy. You flushed your shirt down the toilet. Luckily, I grabbed it just as it was swirling out of view and pulled it from the lake of pee. With my bare hands. You're welcome. The night before in the tub, you threw a full cup of water on me, while yelling, "Surprise!"

You also eat nothing. Nothing.

And you are naked way too often. Like right now, as you are sitting naked at the kitchen table happily punching small maple leaves out of paper with my scrapbook punch. I have not the energy to deal with you at this moment. I must collect myself first. I need a beer. Or valium. Or both.

I hope you turn out to be a valuable and contributing member of society, but I am not betting on it. As you were being fingerprinted for the local police as part of a "KidWatch" identity program, you told the policeman, "See you later." I fear that this may be a true statement.

Love, Mom

Two gems....

Gotta love these nuggets of non-wisdom:

From Matty to the director of the school where Matty attends and I work...

Matty: "I am sick today but my mom and dad said I still need to come to school even though I am coughing."

Nice.

And then this from Mitch, while walking into Lowe's.

Mitch: "What time does Lowe's close?"

Me: "After you go to bed. Like ten or something."

Mitch: "But it is not open all night?"

Me: "Nope. Wal-mart is open all night, though."

Mitch: "Oh yeah, for the people who go to Wal-mart who are nocturnal."

Matty wakes up this morning and greets me with this:

"Mom, I had a dream last night that my bed turned into a combine and I drove it down the stairs, out the door, and then I harvested the road."

Yes, Mitch we all knew was lost to the John Deere's and cornfields, but it seems that Matty is a goner, too. And we had such high hopes for him.

More stuff...

Ahhhh....can you hear that sigh of relief? Our computer has been healed. The demons have been exorcised. Let the blogging begin.

*We have been applying for some assistance through a federal program designed to help military members who have taken a hit in the housing market. Turns out, we have taken a hit. A suckerpunch. A good old fashioned whoopin'. We don't totally qualify, and we have been bending ears of congress people to help get the rules changed. The person who was making the most progress of our behalf? Joe Wilson. Yup. That's the Joe Wilson . The Joe Wilson who recently exclaimed "LIAR!" during the Presidential address to congress. Can you say, "DENIED?"

*There has been some progress on the home improvement front around here lately. Remember the jobsite? It used to look like this?

Well, it has been reclaimed for grown-ups, and it now looks like this. That's a fire pit in the middle, but it is covered up. Shhh....can you hear it? It is whispering...s'mores...s'mores.

And the coolest part was that this came to our house to deliver the flagstone.

*Here is a random picture of the front of our house in the summer. These yellow flowers have been blooming all summer and the butterflies love them.

*Here is Mitch in the sandpit...making his launch pad for the "Saturn 5" rocket. He is totally into space, satellites, and rocket boosters lately. We just signed him up for an afterschool MadScience program all about NASA. He is totally stoked.

Here's the Saturn 5 on take-off. That's about it for today! Have a great weekend, and GO BLUE!

Catching up...

Testing. Testing. One, two, three. Is this thing on?


Did you think I had fallen in a giant hole or something? Gotten lost in the vast recesses of Wal-Mart (nah- I know that place like the back of my hand). Nope- just incredibly busy. Too busy to blog, apparently. My kids have not stopped being weird, but I have run out of time to document their oddities, so I am trying to catch up....junk drawer style. Here are some things you should know.


*I am employed. I teach a 4-year-old preschool class five days a week. It is the same school where Matty attends, so we drop Mitch off at kindergarten and drive to school together. He helps me get my room ready, and then I bring him downstairs to his class. It is a dream. I occasionally see him here and there and get to observe him with his peers. He rarely sees me, as he is just busy being his happy-go-lucky, completely unobservant self. I am loving my little preschool class and it feels wonderful to be back in the classroom. I fight daily, however, the atrophy that has happened in my brain over the last three years. I blame the children. Dust bunnies in my house are rejoicing. They now have a fighting chance.


Here Matty is on his big first day of school. He was ecstatic because it had rained approximately fourteen drops, so he got to wear his new raincoat.


*Our computer has made it impossible to blog. Every time I have the gall to ask it to do something such as "scroll down," it puts up a huge fight. The hourglass or doom comes up and I have to wait and wait and wait. Seriously, people it has to THINK to scroll. Ah, technology. Finally, it scrolls down, but by that time I have already left the room in search of a stiff drink. So,please bear with my. I am typing in anger.

*Today at school, after all the children had left, Matty fell into the potty...with the stall door locked from the inside. I actually considered going OVER first, but then decided that the only way in was UNDER. So I went under. Right next to the boys urinal. See, Matty. I love you buckets.



*I attended the kindergarten "Curriculum Night" last evening. Mike stayed home with the kids. I returned home to find this hockey game, already in progress. Here is Mitch in his homemade hockey uniform. Not sure I have ever seen an NHL'er in Speedo swim goggles and rubber rain boots. And don't even get me started on the garbage bag for a uniform! But, he was running all around, handling the stick well and shooting goals like a pro. Looks like we need to investigate further. Thanks a lot, Derby family!

BBBOOONNNGGG! Oh, there's the horn. Time to clear the ice. Here comes the Zamboni driver.

Seriously, this kid drove in circles around the garage resurfacing the ice. I fell down and almost peed my pants,
*I just fished some clothes out of the washing machine and put them in the dryer. THIS is a collection of what I found in the bottom of the washing machine. After ONE load.
And, finally, this little gem. As you can see, we are acclimating to South Carolina quite well. Good work, Bubba.