More Junk....

*I feel like Peppermint Patty. Mitch is always calling me Sir.


*In our ongoing efforts to civilize the hooligans, and because we are searching for silver linings with the passing away of Mike's dad, we have been going to church...with the hooligans. They do not have a "cry room" or designated place for the kids to generally go nutso, so they sit with us. We have enlisted the help of coloring books and sticker books to help us make it through the hour. We try to stick strictly to books and crayons, following an unfortunate incident with a monster truck a few weeks back. The church does, however, have doughnuts available at the end of the service. And, you can just bet that we have "reminded" (read: threatened) the kids at least 5 separate times each week about not getting a doughnut at the end.

Well, it was Mike's "one weekend a month" this weekend, and the kids and I packed up our books and headed to church. I was definitely outnumbered, and functioning in the zone defense. We were doing fairly well up until the last ten minutes or so. This is when they started getting pretty restless. The pictures had all been colored (scribbled), they were bored of sticking stickers all over themselves, and they could just smell the doughnuts. It started with Matty, while I was holding him, trying to get the "booger" off of my face. It is actually a mole, child. Nice.

Then, I could hear Matty whispering to himself. I tuned in, and he was whispering, "chocolate, sprinkles, chocolate doughnut, cookies...". And then there was a spontaneous, all be it brief, wet willy fest. And a noogie.

Church culminated with the person in line ahead of us grabbing the last sprinkle doughnut. I grabbed a substitute for Matty, but he was not having it. He threw a full-blown, two-year-old-at-his-finest, hissy fit. Complete with shrieking, crying, and rolling around on the floor. I leaned down to get him off the floor, while holding two doughnuts, only to have all of the coloring books fall out of my purse and onto his head. This made him even more angry, and he proceeded to roll across the room, right into the legs of the priest. The priest looked down and was very...confused. I muttered something incoherent, like, "so sorry...no sprinkle doughnuts...." and scooped him up and we were out of there. Though, not before I heard an old woman exclaim, "Oh my!" Oh well, we tried.


*Mitch has spent the day wearing a yellow coal-miners hat, so nothing falls out of a tree and lands on his head. I drew the line at it going into church, but he immediately donned it upon leaving. I did allow it to go into Sam's Club. I can only fight so many battles, people.

*When we were leaving Sam's Club, I saw Donald Rumsfeld. I am certain of it. He was wearing Skecher's sneakers and getting into a gray Toyota Prius. He had purchased bulk sizes of ketchup and mustard. Now, think about it. It is not that implausible. Columbia is a nice city, great climate, super weather. He could have retired here, and spends his time hosting hot dog cook-outs for former cabinet members. I will be on the lookout. Maybe I will see Dick Cheney in Target or Condi Rice in the Hobby Lobby.