"I Has to Tell You Somesing..."

Future Mensa member...

2011-11-29T21:32:00.000-05:00

Someone please alert the society for really smart-like people and stuff, because we definitely have a hot prospect on our hands.

Matty: "Mom, if you change the first letter in milk to a d. you have dilk."

Me: "Thank you, Matty."

Matty: "Dilk, mom. Dilk."

Two minutes later:
Matty: "When I grow up, I am going to make a one piece puzzle."

Getting a jump on the holiday rush....

2011-09-17T17:04:00.002-04:00

Dear Santa,

This year, for Christmas, I would like a remote control spitting cobra that spits real poison at people.

I love you, Santa.
Matty

Our Child...Judas

2011-08-21T12:23:00.000-04:00

In church this morning, after we all turned off our cell phones and the priest processed in and we were all settled, the kids headed to the front for a quick blessing and then went off with the poor woman who conducts a "children's church" session.

When they returned, Mitch leaned in, with a very serious look on his face and said, "Dad. We saw a guy with an Ohio State shirt on." He then leans forward in his seat, spots the offending party, and states (loudly) while directly pointing, "AND THERE HE IS!"

Bo would be proud, son.

Good to Know....

2011-08-18T20:20:00.002-04:00

Me: Matty, have you been learning a lot in kindergarten so far?

Matty: Yup. Like lots of rules.

Me: What is one of the rules that your teacher has taught you?

Matty: Do not...drink....the holy water.

Oh dear.

Back to School!!

2011-08-17T18:18:00.000-04:00

Summer Photo-Rama

2011-08-16T21:38:00.000-04:00

Ahhhh.....summer. It was wonderful. Everything a summer should be. Relaxing. Hot. Fun. Hot. Sunny. Hot.

Here are some photos from the summer's haps. In no particular order. Because I am not really one for order. No siree. Not me. I am more of a free spirit.

Yeah. Right.

Matty turned 5! Here is our five-year-old at his birthday party. Bouncy castles and cake. And a great time was had by all.

Mitch turned 7!! Here is our second-grader with a buddy at his bowling party, and also our resident army-guy with his new canteen. Lookin' good, soldier!

Then, off to Michigan! First stop, Grandma Julie's! The boys had their first trip to Comerica to watch the Tigers. They loved it! They were glued to their seats with every pitch. Either that, or Grandma Julie was awesome and took them for frequent walks all around the stadium while Mike and I enjoyed the game with Becky and Mr. Mike. Can't really remember.

Then, Lake Huron time! Jet skis! Walks on the harbor wall! Sunsets!

Crazy Matty faces! Seriously, he makes this face in every picture.

Then, Mike and I got all gussied up and headed to a good friend's wedding. On a yacht. With college friends!

Next up on our tour was a stop in beloved Ann Arbor for a healthy dose of Maize and Blue Brainwashing. My husband shed a silent tear of joy as the boys came running up to him in the M-Den, each carrying Michigan Football Jerseys, asking if they may have them. Yes, boys. You certainly may.

Then, it was off to Grandma and Papa's house for some country gator ridin' and beach goin'.

And, alas, summer was also incredibly short. In fact, this is "School Starts Tomorrow Eve." The boys are nestled, snug in their beds, with no hopes of sleeping soon as they have been going to bed bed at ten and my attempts at getting them back on a reasonable schedule have failed miserably.

This also means that I am about to get sucked into the world of fourth grade and may not surface for quite some time. I hope to be a better blogger. I hope to take more time to document the loving chaos that is our family.

I hope to take more time to smell the roses.

Or at least post more pictures of Matty and his crazy face. And, look. He's armed in this one!

I Don't Mean to Toot My Own Horn, But....

2011-07-19T15:41:00.001-04:00

When you're good, you're good. I am referring, of course, to our mad parenting abilities.

Mike and I have totally got it going on. It is the parents' duty to nurture their children, to instill a sense of self-confidence and esteem, to help them reach for the stars and realize their full potential. To create well-rounded and contributing members of society. As parents, we are all over it!

Examples:
Our younger child, upon reaching adulthood, is going to be...Bugs Bunny. He informed us that he plans to live in a hole in the ground right next to our house. He will pass his days square dancing with bearded men and helping young penguins escape from overgrown Eskimo types. He can frequently be found, wandering aimlessly around the house muttering the likes of, "I knew I should have taken that left turn at Albuquerque," and "La-di-da-di-da-di-hocus-pooooocus." In, what can clearly only be an attempt to avoid copyright infringement, he also states, "What's up, Jack." See, we are parenting rock stars.

And, not to be outdone, Mitch has equally high aspirations. Last week there was talk of him attending our beloved alma mater, Michigan, and triple majoring in mechanical, material, and electrical engineering, but, come on. Can you say, "Boooooring?" He now plans to fore go college altogether, move to Utah, and build what he describes as an "ice base" in the mountains. He then plans to start his own army. Of one.

He says, "ice base." I hear, "compound."

Now, family is very important to us as well. Last month, Mitch stated that he was not going to have any children because, "they cost too much. " He also was not planning on ever getting married because he would, "have to spend all of that money on a ring." Never fear! Our little problem solver has been working hard. He now also plans to "not have a job, but I will just mine for gold and diamonds in the mountains. Then, when I find some, I will make a ring to give to the girl and it won't even cost me anything. She can work in my ice base with me, and our kids can be part of the army!" Pardon me if I am mistaken, but didn't David Koresh use a similar pick up line on several of his wives?

So, there you have it. A cartoon rabbit and a Neo-Nazi Jed Clampett. Don't you just wish Mike and I could bottle our parenting skills and send you all some?!? Feel free to email your questions. We will gladly ponder and then send our feedback.

And then promptly do the opposite of what we say.

He's a Planner!

2011-07-13T20:14:00.000-04:00

Mitch: "Mom?"

Me: non-committal "Hmmm..."

Mitch: "What if you died and you were home alone with us, taking care of us? We don't even know dad's number at work. What would we do?"

Me: "Baby, don't worry. Nothing is going to happen to me."

Mitch: "But what if you die and there is no one here with us?"

Me: "Go get a grown up from the neighbor's house."

Mitch: "OK, mom. Thanks."

OK, OK. I'll Try.

2011-07-13T20:10:00.000-04:00

To blog again. It's just that somewhere between birthdays and T-Ball and teaching and homework and...life...a few things had to give. And since they were definitely NOT going to be neurotically vacuuming my house, drinking beer, and drinking beer while vacuuming my house, it appears that blogging may have slipped through the cracks. But I will try. I will try to get back into it, as this is the closest thing to a babybook that my kids will ever have. Basically, me mocking them in typeface, for all the world (or the two people who will check this who actually haven't totally written me off) to see. I'll go put a few more dollars in the future therapy fund after I post this.

Nothing, and I mean NOTHING, screams the 4th of July like weird hats, homemade bike decorations, and crashing a golf cart parade! Happy Birthday, America!

Bueller? Bueller?

2010-09-26T22:07:00.002-04:00

Long time, no post. I must apologize for my prolonged absence. Having a single parent summer, and then starting a new full time teaching position has made it next to impossible to document the insanity that I encounter on a daily basis.

Let's recap, shall we.

Mike left.
The boys and I finished up the school year, traveled this great land of ours, and made wonderful memories with grandparents and aunts. We made it from South Carolina to Arizona to Michigan. We swam in two of the Great Lakes, jet skied, and saw the rings and one moon (possibly two) of Saturn. We tractored. We Gatored. We roller coastered. We paraded. We water parked. We had tonsils removed. Matty ate. No, really. He does that now. I interviewed. I got a new job. We played. We worked. We mowed. We pruned. We harvested homegrown watermelons.

But all the while, we missed Mike.

Then, he left Iraq.

And got diverted to Italy instead of Spain. Something about Greeks. Then, he climbed a volcano, and it started erupting. And went cliff diving. And got stern lectures from me, including the words, "So help me, if you have safely made it out of a combat zone only to die on a volcano...". Then he made it to Spain. Then across the Atlantic.

And then he made it home.

And, even though it was a long four months, it also felt like he hadn't been gone a day! We were so happy to have him back! We celebrated by spending some time in the Lowcountry at Edisto.

And here is a random picture of the boys in their school uniforms on Mitch's first Mass day at school.

So, that is it for now. See you in another four months!!!

Vote For Pedro!

2010-06-04T13:22:00.001-04:00

My kids....aahhhhh....my kids. They are a constant source of entertaintment. Usually the mocking kind.

On the last day of school, Matty had a Fiesta! That got me a-thinkin'. Just stick with me for a minute...

He loves tots. Ligers are pretty much his favorite animal. And, he definitely has nunchuck skills.

and.....

And perhaps the apple does not fall very far from the dork tree. I am just one side pony tail short of a Deb, as I bet you that my parents still have my Kaboodle up in the attic! We are all Dyno-mite!!!

I Think I Feel A Wreck Coming On....

2010-05-25T17:18:00.001-04:00

My great friend Steph sent this link along to me a few months, and many, many laughs ago. If you have never checked out

http://www.cakewrecks.blogspot.com/

then please do yourself a favor. Get a good cup of coffee, a comfy chair, and peruse. My thoughts turn to cakes, as I am picking one up tomorrow morning in preparation for our preschool graduation. I do not have high hopes. Here are come factors involved:

1. It is from Wal-mart.

2. It is supposed to read: "Congratulations, Graduates!" I am just asking for it, aren't I?

3. see #1

4. It took her three tries to correctly record my 10 digit phone number. She said that she was having such a hard time, "cause those first three numbers are different than around here."

5. I had to slowly, oh so slowly, spell out each word to be written on the cake, and at one time had to tell her that her lowercase "d" was actually a "b."

6. It is going to have "ligt blue triming" and "pastell colors"

Go check out the sight. Maybe you'll see our cake in a few days!

Well, Now I Know...

2010-05-21T16:07:00.001-04:00

If I ever wondered what my boys really thought of me, well, wonder no more. This, apparently, is what I look like, according to Mitch. Complete with earrings and a necklace (I attribute that certain Frankensteinish look to my accessories).

Mitch also gave me a new purse.

And then Matty answered a few questions about yours truly.

Not bad, Matty. You get bonus points for the treadmill and lettuce comments, but you were incorrect about the money situation going on in my purse. I also am not quite sure how to take the idea that the sole reason that you love me does not involve me taking care of you or comforting you or playing with you or cooking for you or cleaning for you or laughing at you as you put on your undies and run around the house yelling, "Captain Underpants!" My redeeming quality is that I love your daddy, who is definitely your best buddy. Not quite sure how to take that!

Slight Hiccups...

2010-05-10T18:22:00.001-04:00

So, Mike has been gone about 11 1/2 days, but seriously, who is counting?

So far, I have had two slight emotional hiccups....no breakdowns or hysterics or sobbing...just momentary feelings of "Oh, man. I wish he were here."

Here are the circumstances surrounding each:

*At Wal-mart (I know, I know), I was on autopilot, just going about our normal Wal-mart business. Mindlessly filling the cart with our household staples. Yelling at kids to put back the neon purple Pop-Tarts. The usual. I reached for the Arizona Iced-Tea that Mike drinks, put it in the cart, and then thought, "Shoot. He's the only one that drinks it" and then had to put it back on the shelf. Pitiful.

*While driving in the car, our song came on. Everlong, by the FooFighters. When we first met? First date? First song at our wedding? Nope, nope, and nope. Everlong is our song...our Guitar Hero song. The one where I become Domestica and he becomes Rock Daddy and we totally rock that thing out like teenagers on a Friday night while our kids snore in their beds. That song. I silently played air guitar while a tear silently slid down my cheek.

OK, not really, but it was sad hearing that song and knowing that he was not here for me to kick his butt at GH.

2010-05-08T11:13:00.000-04:00

Howdy there,. from single parent land. Shhh....don't tell my house, but it has been about 9 days, and so far, nothing has broken. Murphy's Law of the Military Spouse clearly states that: "Upon deployment, all systems of a home will work together to wreak havoc upon the remaining spouse, including, but not limited to: chirping smoke detectors, broken appliances (preferably with water spewing out), leaking faucets, inoperable garage doors, and, most importantly, faulty heating and cooling devices. It is also at this time that there is a general increase in accounts of things getting jammed, stuck, loose, twisted, unhooked, and broken. Please also realize that nature is also incorporated into this law, as there is also an increase in household pests, such as spiders." Well, so far, so good. I'll keep you posted on what does decide to break...

Here are some photos from Mike's birthday. WooWee, that's a lot of smoke from all those candles!

And then before he left, we took a little weekend trip to the ocean. We headed to Fripp Island, which is down by Beaufort in the gorgeous low country. It is a cute little island, named for a sea captain or a pirate or a whale or something. We rented a little house that came complete with a view like this...

wildlife like this...

and the best part of all...GOLF CARTS!

We zipped all around that little island and had a blast. We did have to chuckle at one point, however, when our "Yankee" children were at a playground. They were playing on a wooden ship, which quickly became their shrimp boat and they were hauling in their nets to see their fresh catch of the day!

Next up, Mother's Day...here's a sneak peak....aren't I lovely?

TDY

2010-05-01T10:31:00.002-04:00

It's deployment time. And somehow, a 60 day deployment has developed into a 100 day tour. "Advon" is a naughty word in our house.

Mike is off to a desert location...highlighted by "near beer" and 120 plus degree temperatures. Be safe, babe. We will miss you!

Catching up...

2010-04-09T16:29:00.002-04:00

Greetings! We have been, very happily, hosting houseguests as of late. First came Grandma and Papa. We had a great time! So great, in fact, that I neglected to take one single photo. I'll leave you with a mental image, however. Mitch ~~talked~~ conned grandma into doing the "spider" while swinging. Imagine two heads, two bodies, 4 legs, and a swing. Awesome!

Then came Grandma Julie. We all had a wonderful time with her! It is such a joy to see the kids with their grandparents. There may be many physical miles between our homes, but you would never know it to see these hooligans with their "grownups." Thanks for all of of the fun, Grandma Julie!

Here they are with their Easter clothes on!

We have also been super busy with egg hunts. Matty yelled out, "I'm ready for the easter egg hunt!" and then came around the corner dressed like this:

I don't even ask anymore. Whatever.

We then loaded up the car and headed to a gorgeous state park in the upstate for some camping. In a tent. By a lake. In a tent. With two children who seriously need to have their tonsils removed. They snored so loudly! Park rangers stopped by several times in the night based on reports that bears were heard growling and fighting in the area. We repeatedly assured them that it was just our children...breathing. Here are some pictures from the "Big Campout!"

This is the view from our tent site.

Boys throwing rocks.

Boys building a fire.

Cooking dinner.

A gorgeous lagoon we found while taking a nature walk.

Looks eerily like a "senior portrait."

Oh, and did I forget to mention that this one was diagnosed with Strep Throat just a few hours prior to going camping? We just brought his antibiotic in the cooler and carried on.

Our budding pyromaniac.

A visitor we found crawling under the tent as we were packing it up and putting it away. Yup, that's a scorpion.

A loon, in the water.

Two loons, by a tree.

Consider yourself sufficiently caught up! Now, back to T-ball, Legos, and getting ready for Mike to deploy at the end of the month. Happy Spring everyone!

More Junk Drawer....

2010-03-13T20:44:00.001-05:00

Here are some of the recent haps from down south.

SHELVES! The handy-man fairy came to our house (after he bought himself a table saw at Lowe's) and made me some custom shelves for under the stairs. Here is his assistant showing off the work. Now, I can store more kitchen gadgets, and we have room to for us to hide in the event of a tornado! Yeah for fondue sets! Yeah for safety!

Apparently someone got hold of the camera yesterday. I do not know if this is a self-potrait or if big brother was involved, but I do know that it is truly terrible.

Matty came home from school with these pink sunglasses and Mitch threw them on. I call this series "Elton John Comes to Dinner."

The boys are proud members of the Mighty Muckdogs...the baddest T-ball team in all the land.

We went to the giant St. Patrick's Day festival and parade this morning with our great friends. Here are the hooligans and their honorary new member.

The parade was awesome...and profound. For example, here is a crowd favorite. Animal riding a Cooler Scooter.

And, there is simply nothing more festive than nature's beauty bracketed by nuclear power plants. I call this one, "Rainbows and Reactors." Moving, isn't it.

But, this. This absolutely took the cake and may prove useful in the future. This man is part of the "Zingo" crew. Yes, folks. Zingo's are scooter ridin' designated drivers. You call them if you have been having a little too much fun on the town, and they come and meet you wherever you are. Then, they expertly fold their scooter into a compact little square, throw it in your trunk, and drive you home. In your car. When they get to your home, they pop their little mobile back into shape, and Zingo their way back to civilization! Brilliant! I am wondering if they also pay the babysitter and tuck you into bed.

It is a bit difficult to see, but this Zingo driver is actually wearing a Budweiser hat. Aaahhhhh, now that's beautiful!

Happy St. Patrick's Day everyone!

2010-03-01T14:22:00.000-05:00

For the month of February, Mitch's class was learning about important African American inventors. One such person invented the ironing board.

Mitch: "Well, ironing boards are pretty cool, but I told my teachers that it is too bad that we do not have one of those at our house."

2010-02-26T14:29:00.002-05:00

The following is an email my hilarious sister sent to our mother today in response to my mom asking her about her date last night. Consider it a Happy Friday present. Enjoy.

Hi Mom,
I am dead and lying in a ditch because Kansas abducted me. Just kidding. We eloped. He doesn't have a job or a place to live, so I am letting him stay with me for awhile until he kicks his meth habit and gains some weight back. I hope his pit bulls like my cats!
Love Melissa
PS I'll write more later.

You're welcome.

Regarding T-Ball

2010-02-26T13:48:00.004-05:00

The boys have ventured into the unknown this year. Yup, team sports. Or, sports at all, for that matter. Given that approximately half of their DNA comes from yours truly, who could not coordinate her way out of a paper bag, they are, well, athletically challenged.

Enter the perfect situation. Our good friends have asked our boys to join their T-ball team. The boys know most of the players, they can be on the same team, and the coach is a wonderful friend of ours. I also teach their son in my preschool class. See? Perfectly perfect.

Matty misses the birthday cut-off by a month and a half, but I ask my friend and she says that it will be fine. Just register them ,and even though Matty is young, just tell the T-ball people that we have talked with Coach and he said it would be OK. So I do.

Two weeks later, we get a call. "Yes, Mr. Ferrario. This is Cynthia from the baseball league. We just wanted to let you know that Matty's case went before the board, and the board voted to allow him to play even though he is outside the age limit. Coach Martin vouched for his abilities."

WHAT?!??! He did what? He put his name on the line for this guy? Dear me.

I immediately called my friend and said that this simply won't do. I can not have Coach's reputation in the community completely trashed. Do not vouch for his abilities! What abilities? He doesn't even have pants!

Well, Coach laughed and said it would all be fine. But that was before practice started.

Since then, Matty has come down dressed and ready for his first practice. Wearing two bracelets. Last night, he went down to the garage to find a shovel to dig a big hole so the coaches could fall in it as they were racing at the end of practice. And he was very mad at me for putting his pajamas on under his clothes last night in an attempt to keep him warm. He wanted his PJ's on the outside, so that all of his friends could see, "that they glow in the dark." How's that for abilities? Glad to know that his head's really in the game.

Then, as big brother was sauntering his way to home plate to bat, Coach told him to hustle. Mitch continued to lolly gag. When he got back to the dugout (or, "digout" as it is called by our resident Babe Ruth's), I asked him what it meant when Coach said to hustle. I informed him it meant to run, Run, RUN! "Oh, you mean 'hustle' means run, like, in Spanish or somethin'?

Strike Three.

Did You Ever Know That You're My Hero?

2010-02-26T13:14:00.003-05:00

Here is a list of people who are placed on a pedestal in our home by a five-year-old boy:

Garbage men, jumbo jet pilots, Red Robin Employees, Ronald Reagan (for providing funding for the first space station), and this guy.

Click here to view these pictures larger

A big shout out to this Lowe's employee for letting my boy select the red paint color for his barn that he just built out of wood, and letting him go behind the counter into the Employees Only section and push the buttons on the computer and the paint mixing machine. You are the wind beneath his wings.

Space Cadet

2010-02-22T19:00:00.001-05:00

Mitch loves everything Space. Space rockets. Planets. Comets. Space shuttles.

Much to his dismay, the space shuttle is scheduled for only 4 more flights until the program is discontinued. When we told him this, he was incensed and he asked who nixed it. So we told him.

So...armed with a bit of information, and a passion about space, this is what ensued...

Mitch: "Mom, my reading buddy (fourth grade girl who comes to read with the kindergarten kids) said that her parents voted for Barack Obama. I told her that I guess that they don't like space shuttles very much!"

On Love...

2010-02-14T08:00:00.001-05:00

Love takes many forms. It might be expressed in a smile. Or a wink. Or a touching of hands. Or a full-up John Deere Crawler Tracked Tractor Valentine Box of Justice. It took some thinkin', but we did it. I love you, Mitch.

Blizzard, 2010!

2010-02-13T12:36:00.001-05:00

Perhaps in the past, I may have mocked this state for the scale of their emergency response to weather events that never occur. Like last year when they cancelled school a full 24 hours in advance on the threat that there might be a dusting of snow. Not one flake, yet the city was completely shut down. The boys and I drove to Charleston and went to the Aquarium.

Well, this time, it came to pass. The weathermen here are positively giddy. Mitch stated, "This is as much snow as in Michigan!"

Turns out there has not been this much snow here since 1971. Cool!

So, what do we do in the snow? Play!

Use working machines!

Make snow angels!

Climb on a ladder!?! Don't ask.

Dear Lego Club, Jr. Magazine,

2010-02-11T16:18:00.001-05:00

Below, please find the picture that I recently submitted to your publication. It is my 5-year-old son, Mitch, and his model for the Lego Club Jr. Building Contest. The theme was to build something that firefighters could use to get their job done.

While I can not comment as to why he chose to make that particular face for the photo, I can comment on the amount of time and thought that went into the making of his vehicle. You see, it is a fire truck, complete with crawler tracks and heavy on the wonky ladders. Therefore, the firefighters can get into places "that regular fire trucks can't get to, like swamps and mud and stuff. It also has a fire rescue boat."

As for the various gadgets and hoses, they all have a purpose. While I am a girl and do not posess the chromosomes necessary to identify each, Mitch was muttering words like "radiator belt," and "electrical supply" as he was happily hooking them all up. I hope that this helps clarify his entry.

Also, while my husband and I really do enjoy playing the game of "HA HA HA! Guess Which Ones of These Models Were Actually Built by Children!" while looking at the contest winners in your magazine, we would prefer it if you followed your own rules of : This contest is open to members ages 6 and under only." Sorry, perfectionist moms and dads. You may need to sit this one out.

So, just think...next time the swamp is on fire, I know the perfect vehicle for the job.

Sincerely,

Rachel F.

Mother of Boys

On sickness...

2010-02-08T11:59:00.001-05:00

Well, I had a nagging feeling in my throat Saturday night, and then woke up a few hours later with body aches, a throat on fire, and chills like I was in the Arctic circle. I knew it....Strep Throat.

Mike had to work yesterday, so I spent most of the day with the boys lying on the couch in the fetal position and trying valiantly to get someone to write me a script for a Z-pac (but failing miserably). There may or may not have been a moan heard a time or two. But I was good. I sent Mike to his weekly hockey game after work, even. But by the time he got home, I was beyond miserable. I mean, I didn't even touch a vacuum cleaner in over 12 hours, so Mike knew it was bad. He found me an urgent care clinic miles away, and I headed there. Came home two hours later with some anti-biotics, and through the miracles of Tylenol and Motrin (hang in there, liver) I am functioning. Mike has been taking care of everything around the house. He made the carpool run to school this morning. Made Mitch's lunch. Everything.

Matty has had a rash on his face for a week and a runny nose. Mike took him to the doctor this morning. Also Strep. But he is handling it WAY better than his mama. It hits adults worse, right?

So, I am now back in action fully. The coddling has stopped. I have been shown up by a three year old. No more lying around. No more moaning. Time to vacuum.

Mike dropped off Matty's script this morning, and I just took Matty to go pick it up. I gave him his first dose of the pink stuff. He likes the pink stuff. He really does, but he balked at it this time. Big time. There was a slight wrestling match, in which I was yelling things like, "Swallow it! All of it! Do not spit it out, or I swear I will..." You get the idea. Then the phone rings. Here is the pharmacist.

Pharmacist: "Ma'am. Could you please check the bottles of the antibiotic I just mixed up for you to see if one bottle is thicker than the other. I think I only put in half the water I was 'sposed to after the one bottle done busted on me."

Me: "WHAT? Yes, one bottle is much thicker, and I just gave it to my little boy!"

Pharamcist: "Oh, it should be fine, ma'am. Just bring it by sometime and I'll put some more water in it. He might just get an upset stomach or somethin' but he should be fine."

Oh, good to know we are in good hands. Time to vacuum.

I'm Not Saying....

2010-02-02T09:00:00.001-05:00

Here is the hotel bill from when Mike went TDY. Hey, Visa! That's a bit rude, don't you think?!?

Parenting Headscratcher...

2010-02-01T16:50:00.001-05:00

Sometimes, your kids just don't make sense. Often, I try to make sense of their actions or behaviors, try to teach them, blah blah blah. I am not touching this one with a ten foot pole. I don't really want to know what exactly was going on in his brain.

Matty was violently ill all day Saturday. Throwing up every fifteen minutes. Couldn't keep anything down, and Mike and I were on "fever watch" lest he experience another seizure and earn himself a trip to the ER.

He seemd MUCH improved yesterday, and pretty much back to normal this morning, so we headed to school.

I dropped him off without incident, but they came to get me forty-five minutes later saying that he had been crying the entire time and was beside himself. They had never seen him like this! He needed me, and they were all scrambling downstairs to try to find a sub who could come in last minute and take over, as I was clearly heading home with a sick child. I ran downstairs, he saw me and said, "I have to go potty!" Within two minutes, he was sitting on the potty, laughing and calling to me, "Mommy! My poo-poo looks like a dolphin today!!"

Back to class he went. He was fine after that. I don't even want to know.

This story, brought to you by THIS guy-

PS- For John and Sandy, I found him upstairs the other day playing with this. "Mommy, this is my racecar I made! It's Jimmy Johnson. See, a 4 and an 8!" Way to go, World's Most Unlikely Nascar Fans! It's rubbing off!

Don't Worry America...

2010-01-31T20:59:00.000-05:00

The fate of the world rests of the shoulders of future generations.

On second thought...

Civil Disobedience

2010-01-26T17:00:00.007-05:00

I have entered some uncharted waters. As a kid, I believe (I am sure that there are people out there in comment-land who will correct me if I am wrong) I was pretty much a straight arrow kid. I followed rules. I did what was expected. I was respectful to my teachers. (Note: I did not say "sister," I said teachers.)

Along comes Mitch. Type A. Rule follower. Teacher's pet.

Then comes Matty. Oh, boy. This is a whole different ball game.

Now, he is not a hanging-from-the-ceiling-fan, he-just-set-the-cat-on-fire, has-anyone-seen-the-neighbor's-car-kind of naughty. He practices a different art form. That of civil disobedience. Here he is with his inspiration.

What do you think? Can you see the resemblance? Matty is not opposed to fasting. He is peaceful, relatively quiet and kind, but does not listen to anyone. Ever.

The other day at school, he was swinging his lunch bag around. Here is a transcript of what followed:

Teacher: "Matty, please stop swinging your lunch bag around. You are going to knock something over."

Matty: "No."

Teacher: "Matty, please stop..."

At this moment, he hits his yogurt, sending it flying arcoss the room, leaving a trail of dairy evidence for three feet.

Teacher: "Matty, I TOLD you to stop swining your lunch bag!"

Matty: "Oh, I didn't hear you."

Teacher: "What? Yes you did! You told me 'no'."

Matty: "Oh."

Teacher: "Go to time out."

Matty (skipping over): "Ok!"

Oh vey. Never really upset. Not openly disruptive. Just doesn't listen to anything that anyone asks him to do.

This is new territory for me. I do not know what to do with him. So far, he has written apology notes to teachers. I have made him scrub the floor to clean up the yogurt. He has lost privileges. Been to time out. You name it, we have tried it. He just smiles and politely disagrees with everything we say!

What do you think? Just being 3? Just exerting his new-found independence? Or heading for a life of crime?

Before you place your vote, please know that he tried very, very hard to steal money out of the offeratory basket at church two days ago. Mike asked me to hold it for a minute while he fished in his wallet to give money to Haiti, and Matty immediately stuck his hand in, rummaged around, and latched on to a quarter that I had to wrench free from his little money-grubbing fingers. From Haiti, people. Haiti! Is there any hope for the child?

The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly...South Carolina Edition

2010-01-21T16:32:00.000-05:00

The Good:

It was 67 degrees with not a cloud in the sky yesterday. The sun was shining. The birds were singing, and Matty and I had a picnic after school at the park and played and played.

The Bad:

And The Ugly:

Our nieghbor boy has a dead 'possum in a bucket next door. He killed it by hitting it on the head with a two by four two weeks ago after it hissed at him in his backyard. He is keeping it because he wants to skin it. At the present time, there are no less than 20 vultures perched in trees and circling my house.

There you have it. Cack-a-lackee style.

Disney!

2010-01-10T15:32:00.000-05:00

Greetings from Disney World! Right before Christmas, we (and 80 million other people) took advantage of some great military deals and headed to the Happiest Place on Earth. See! They have a castle!

And views like this...in the middle of December!

And they let kids drive cars!

And they have Viking costumes for people who have been drinking at Epcot late into the evening and happen to wander into Norway.

And of course they have rides. Mitch, turns out, is a roller coaster freak. You name it, he rode it and loved it. The faster, the higher, the better. Yeti's? No problem. Careening through total darkness? Bring it on. Run away train car? Yes, please. It was definitely a thrill to see him so very excited about impending doom. Perhaps another adrenaline junkie in the family? (I am referring to myself, of course. Nothing gets the blood pumping like teaching a group of 14 four-year-olds or heading to Wal-mart with a really, really long list. Driving a Honda Accord is totally living on the edge as well! Oh, and I guess you could say Mike is a bit of a thrill seeker, too).

Matty found joy in other venues. Please reference the telehphone booth. Or is that a defibrilator?

He also ate more food at Disney World during the course of 6 days than he usually does in a month. Evil genius. Now all we have to do is take him to Disney everytime we want him to eat a good meal. He rode most rides, and seemed to enjoy many of them. He claims that his favorite was Big Thunder Mountain Railroad, but he certainly experienced some trepidation. He is still, to this day, talking about the rocks moving in the tunnel, and how we barely made it out in time!

Thankfully, what we did not do very often, was this....

Our kids were not ones to need to (or even want to) meet the characters. They just wanted to go on rides. Here we are with Santa Goofy who we accidentally bumped into while having dinner at the Animal Kingdom. There. That's it for the character aspect. No autographs. No waiting in line to pantomime with Mickey Mouse. Just one wayward Goofy that Matty wanted nothing to do with, and Mitch was neutral at best, and we were done.

Now, off to plunder some dinner for my Viking hubby.

Winter Wonderland

2010-01-07T15:49:00.000-05:00

While in Michigan over the holidays, the boys got to experience some snow. As a baby, this is how Mitch felt about the white stuff...

Well, he's come a long, long way. Here he is after three plus years of living...in the South. What? Anyway, here is his new attitude toward snow.

Much improved, as you can see. Little brother has always been on board, despite the fact that his 0.00% body fat does not insulate him at all and his teeth are chattering in seconds if the temperature is anywhere below 45 degrees.

While in Michigan, Grandma Julie had a brillant idea...we took the boys skiing for the first time! We mittened, we zipped, we double pantsed, we Velcroed, and finally pieced together some semblance of ski clothing for them. We rented them teeny, tiny little skiis, hopped on the Wonder Carpets, and started yelling things like, "Pizza! Now, French Fries! Now, Pizza, Mitch. Pizza! PIZZA!" Here are some action shots...

(Mitch and Grandma Julie)

All in all, it was a great success. Our boys surprised us with their willingness to try new things and their perseverance. We could not get speed demon Mitch off the slopes.

Matty found ways to amuse himself while we were waiting in the lodge for Mitch and Mike at the end of the day. He comandeered the camera and started taking pictures willy nilly. This was his favorite.

We also fit in some more wintry fun.

Fun, Matty. I said fun.

(ice skating)

(sorry, couldn't resist. This just cracks me up. Get your lighters out! Encore!)

You Need to Go Back to Where You Came From...

2010-01-06T13:26:00.006-05:00

Pictured below are two people who had hoped that the following story would never see the light of day, but that is the beauty of blogging. I get to decide what I want to write about, and until some other members of my family develop rival blogs and start posting humiliating stories about yours truly, I hold the monopoly on embarrasing people I love. So here we go...

While at Epcot, my parents decided to take a ride on Mission: Space. If you have ever been on it, you know that there are two versions of the ride...the green (less intense) mission, as well as the orange (vomit comet) version. Sidenote: The ride is narrated by Gary Sinise, and two years ago, Mike talked me into going on the more intense version. To this day, I can not listen to an "Army Strong" commercial or see Lieutenant Dan without being overcome by nausea. But, I digress...

My parents enter the ride area, and are handed green cards, as they will be going on the more mild version (though it is still fairly robust!). The cards are laminated placards that provide detailed information about the attraction. My parents are, at this point, so busy reading their green cards detailing their mission ( in which they train and embark upon and eventually end up on Mars) that they do not notice that they have left the group and have crossed behind a barricade. They then walk up a ramp and arrive at a locked door with a panel of buttons next to it.

The following is a transcript of the conversation that ensued, based upon extensive interviews with the persons involved:

Sandy (trying to open locked door): It's locked John. I'll try this. (starts pushing random buttons on panel next to door).

John: Is this where we are supposed to be?

Sandy: Yeah, Rachel said that it was not crowded yet. I think this is part of our training. We need to get through this door.

John: Is it working?

Sandy: No, John. Try our green cards.

John (feverishly swiping green card): Nope. Nothing.

Sandy: Try our room key.

John tries room key. Sandy still pushing buttons. Suddenly, a voice from above.

Voice: Can I help you? What are you doing? Where are you trying to go?

Sandy: Um, we're trying to go to Mars.

Voice: Well, you need to go back to where you came from.

(Me, thinking aloud): Do you mean, like, Earth?

Voice: Oh, wait a minute. Are you the people from Hewlett Packard?

(Me, thinking again): Seriously, Disney Control Room Employee. They are swiping room keys and wearing pin lanyards. Do they LOOK like they are there to fix the computers?

You know in some break room at Epcot somewhere, these two have made the Bloopers reel of the surveillance cameras. Way to go, space travellers! Mission: Failed.

Hmmm...

2009-12-08T19:02:00.002-05:00

I just folded the laundry. I folded 6 pairs of undies for Matty, compared with Mitch's 2 pairs. Oh, Mitch....

It's 5 o'clock somewhere...

2009-12-04T19:53:00.002-05:00

In the last ten minutes, Matthew has...

*driven the John Deere tractor out into the street with me running VERY fast to catch him. No worries, though, he was just on his way to Toy R Us to "get some Geotrax." He had a dollar stuffed in his pocket.

*been grounded from riding the getaway vehicle until further notice.

*spilled TWO entire glasses of milk on the kitchen floor.

The beer light is on at my house.

Photorama...in no particular order...

2009-11-29T08:02:00.004-05:00

Shhh...I'm hiding from the children. I have a few minutes to throw some pictures up on the long neglected blog. I am sorry, little blog. It's just a really busy time right now....

Here are photos from our recent adventures. They are in no particular order because our computer is still ill. Now, don't get me wrong, it is working MUCH better, but there are still things that it definitely balks at. Like moving pictures up and down in a blog. It hates that operation, and since we missed out on the $298 laptops at Wal-mart on Black Friday, I am very careful about what I ask it to do. Not much scrolling, computer, promise.

So, here we go. Mike and I had the time of our lives over the Ohio State weekend. My parents (bless them) drove down to stay with the hooligans, and I flew up to Michigan via US Airways. Mike flew a jet up and performed a flyover during the National Anthem. The flyover was awesome...everything you want a flyover to be. Loud and fast, and completely within regulations, right honey? I got to share the day with my Lisa, and then hit some highpowered tailgates after the game.

Here are some photos from Mike in Jordan. Lots of ruins. Almost as if our kids had been there 2000 years ago.

Random family photo in the backyard. It actually is not terrible. It may be coming soon in Christmas card form to your home. If I can get my act together. If not...Merry Christmas.

Kids with Santa at the zoo. Mitch is reading his list to the Big Guy. Matty is licking his coat.

Mitch and Mimi at the zoo lights.

A fairly respectable picture of us. We are smiling because we got carded so often in Ann Arbor.

A thousand words.

And now for a few gems. During our Thanksgiving blessing (remember: I live in boy-world) Mitch tooted. Loudly. He then holds up his hands and states, "Well, I guess that was my booty's blessing!"

We now have an elf in our home. Clyde Su-Su the elf, to be exact. He is from the Elf-on-a-Shelf program, where Santa sends an elf to your home to watch your children in the days leading up to Christmas, and then he flies back to the North Pole each night to report your children's behavior to Santa. This is working like a champ in our house...for Mitch. Mr. Rule-Follower...always reminding everyone that Clyde Su-Su is watching. Last night, Matty was breaking up a train track that Mitch had made and was generally being a miscreant. Mike went upstairs to sort it out, and Mitch said, "Dad. I think we should just let the elf handle this!"

While waiting in the line for Santa, Matty wandered off. I went to fetch him and he did not feel like coming back to the line and just kept walking. I found myself yelling, "Matty, Santa is watching. He is, like, right there!"

Well, busy weeks for us. A few more weeks of teaching and school, and then we head to Disney World. We are so excited! So, if I do not see you until after the holidays, have a wonderful holiday season!

I live!

2009-11-09T20:20:00.013-05:00

Hello!

Greetings from the three ring circus that is my life. I know that it has been a long, long time since an update. Turns out the kids stopped being strange and I really felt that I had nothing to write about.

Yeah, right.

Here are some quick highlights from the past month:

*Mike spent most of it in Jordan. The country. Eating goats.

*We now know more about "febrile seizures" than I would ever, ever want to know. Thank you, Matty. No worries. He is absolutely fine now.

*Our 9-1-1 ems takes at least 20 minutes, and three follow up phone calls asking for directions, to get to our house. When they arrive, it is almost certain that they will have absolutely no idea how to work a thermal scan thermometer.

*Mitch is rocking the sight words in kindergarten.

*Our cats continue to exist despite our best efforts to ignore them and tend only to their most basic of needs.

*I love Gymboree Gym-bucks.

*I still love teaching my pre-school class.

*Trick-or-treating in our 'hood is awesome.

*We are taking applications from NCAA institutions who would like to be our "football school." We are great fans, just looking for a new home. The SEC is starting to sound like fun...

*Loving fall here in SC. Gorgeous...and the snakes will soon be hibernating!

That is about it here from the Acorn House (as the kids named it last year.) AKA the Nut House...works for me.

A Letter to my Child...

2009-09-25T13:37:00.007-04:00

Dear Matthew,

I love you, but I believe that you are trying to drive me to the nuthouse. In your gentle and sweet manner, you politely refuse to do anything that your father and I ask you to do. We have yet to find a consequence that you actually care about.

Last evening, you finally were climbing into the tub after cleaning up all your messes, and you threw your clothing behind you as you climbed in. And then you decided at that exact moment that you would remember to flush the toilet, which we have been hounding you about for months. You haven't flushed the toilet in eons. Well, congratulations, my boy. You flushed your shirt down the toilet. Luckily, I grabbed it just as it was swirling out of view and pulled it from the lake of pee. With my bare hands. You're welcome. The night before in the tub, you threw a full cup of water on me, while yelling, "Surprise!"

You also eat nothing. Nothing.

And you are naked way too often. Like right now, as you are sitting naked at the kitchen table happily punching small maple leaves out of paper with my scrapbook punch. I have not the energy to deal with you at this moment. I must collect myself first. I need a beer. Or valium. Or both.

I hope you turn out to be a valuable and contributing member of society, but I am not betting on it. As you were being fingerprinted for the local police as part of a "KidWatch" identity program, you told the policeman, "See you later." I fear that this may be a true statement.

Love, Mom

Two gems....

2009-09-21T19:10:00.004-04:00

Gotta love these nuggets of non-wisdom:

From Matty to the director of the school where Matty attends and I work...

Matty: "I am sick today but my mom and dad said I still need to come to school even though I am coughing."

Nice.

And then this from Mitch, while walking into Lowe's.

Mitch: "What time does Lowe's close?"

Me: "After you go to bed. Like ten or something."

Mitch: "But it is not open all night?"

Me: "Nope. Wal-mart is open all night, though."

Mitch: "Oh yeah, for the people who go to Wal-mart who are nocturnal."

2009-09-15T20:16:00.002-04:00

Matty wakes up this morning and greets me with this:

"Mom, I had a dream last night that my bed turned into a combine and I drove it down the stairs, out the door, and then I harvested the road."

Yes, Mitch we all knew was lost to the John Deere's and cornfields, but it seems that Matty is a goner, too. And we had such high hopes for him.

More stuff...

2009-09-11T14:29:00.006-04:00

Ahhhh....can you hear that sigh of relief? Our computer has been healed. The demons have been exorcised. Let the blogging begin.

*We have been applying for some assistance through a federal program designed to help military members who have taken a hit in the housing market. Turns out, we have taken a hit. A suckerpunch. A good old fashioned whoopin'. We don't totally qualify, and we have been bending ears of congress people to help get the rules changed. The person who was making the most progress of our behalf? Joe Wilson. Yup. That's the Joe Wilson . The Joe Wilson who recently exclaimed "LIAR!" during the Presidential address to congress. Can you say, "DENIED?"

*There has been some progress on the home improvement front around here lately. Remember the jobsite? It used to look like this?

Well, it has been reclaimed for grown-ups, and it now looks like this. That's a fire pit in the middle, but it is covered up. Shhh....can you hear it? It is whispering...s'mores...s'mores.

And the coolest part was that this came to our house to deliver the flagstone.

*Here is a random picture of the front of our house in the summer. These yellow flowers have been blooming all summer and the butterflies love them.

*Here is Mitch in the sandpit...making his launch pad for the "Saturn 5" rocket. He is totally into space, satellites, and rocket boosters lately. We just signed him up for an afterschool MadScience program all about NASA. He is totally stoked.

Here's the Saturn 5 on take-off. That's about it for today! Have a great weekend, and GO BLUE!

Catching up...

2009-09-02T16:20:00.009-04:00

Testing. Testing. One, two, three. Is this thing on?

Did you think I had fallen in a giant hole or something? Gotten lost in the vast recesses of Wal-Mart (nah- I know that place like the back of my hand). Nope- just incredibly busy. Too busy to blog, apparently. My kids have not stopped being weird, but I have run out of time to document their oddities, so I am trying to catch up....junk drawer style. Here are some things you should know.

*I am employed. I teach a 4-year-old preschool class five days a week. It is the same school where Matty attends, so we drop Mitch off at kindergarten and drive to school together. He helps me get my room ready, and then I bring him downstairs to his class. It is a dream. I occasionally see him here and there and get to observe him with his peers. He rarely sees me, as he is just busy being his happy-go-lucky, completely unobservant self. I am loving my little preschool class and it feels wonderful to be back in the classroom. I fight daily, however, the atrophy that has happened in my brain over the last three years. I blame the children. Dust bunnies in my house are rejoicing. They now have a fighting chance.

Here Matty is on his big first day of school. He was ecstatic because it had rained approximately fourteen drops, so he got to wear his new raincoat.

*Our computer has made it impossible to blog. Every time I have the gall to ask it to do something such as "scroll down," it puts up a huge fight. The hourglass or doom comes up and I have to wait and wait and wait. Seriously, people it has to THINK to scroll. Ah, technology. Finally, it scrolls down, but by that time I have already left the room in search of a stiff drink. So,please bear with my. I am typing in anger.

*Today at school, after all the children had left, Matty fell into the potty...with the stall door locked from the inside. I actually considered going OVER first, but then decided that the only way in was UNDER. So I went under. Right next to the boys urinal. See, Matty. I love you buckets.

*I attended the kindergarten "Curriculum Night" last evening. Mike stayed home with the kids. I returned home to find this hockey game, already in progress. Here is Mitch in his homemade hockey uniform. Not sure I have ever seen an NHL'er in Speedo swim goggles and rubber rain boots. And don't even get me started on the garbage bag for a uniform! But, he was running all around, handling the stick well and shooting goals like a pro. Looks like we need to investigate further. Thanks a lot, Derby family!

BBBOOONNNGGG! Oh, there's the horn. Time to clear the ice. Here comes the Zamboni driver.

Seriously, this kid drove in circles around the garage resurfacing the ice. I fell down and almost peed my pants,
*I just fished some clothes out of the washing machine and put them in the dryer. THIS is a collection of what I found in the bottom of the washing machine. After ONE load.
And, finally, this little gem. As you can see, we are acclimating to South Carolina quite well. Good work, Bubba.

Mitch's First Day of Kindergarten

2009-08-20T15:46:00.004-04:00

"Good morning! Rise and Shine!"

"Please don't be too weird at school on the first day."

"Who, me? Whatever do you mean?"

Sounds like it was a great day!

Please, World. Slow down.

2009-07-22T14:54:00.004-04:00

Can't. Catch. My. Breath.

So much to post. So little time. Mike is in Alaska for three weeks, conveniently escaping the South Carolina summer heat, so the boys and I are on our own. This week, we have have been terrorizing the animals at the zoo with Zoo Camp. Such a blast, but Mike has the camera with him, so you will just have to picture it. Matching blue Zoo Camp shirts. Filthy little boys. Crazy hair. You get the idea.

In keeping with the zoo theme, I headed up to the playroom last evening prior to bath and bed time, and discovered a giant mess.

Me: "What in the world? Who made this mess all over?"

Matty: "Um. I think it was raccoons."

On a completely unrelated note, here are some completely random pictures of our trip to Michigan, including the 4th of July, a parade, Lakes Huron and Michigan, fun with cousins, a ride in the sand dunes, and other fun Michigan-y type stuff.

Whew! I thought summer was for relaxin'!

Birthday Bonanza

2009-06-30T16:51:00.005-04:00

Here are some photos from our recent Birthday Bash. First, Matty turned 3. We celebrated with presents and a colorful mess of a train cake. Baked with love. And flour. Than, we had a birthday party for both of the hooligans at their favorite Kid's Museum. Here they are, gathering their instruments for a loud parade to announce their birthdays.

And sitting on the birthday throne. With real cakes.
And here is the birthday boy stuffing a mailbox with bananas.

And the kids. And the birthday room.And the thank you's.

And then we went to Charleston for the night. Here is Mitch, trying out the bed. The End.

Happy Birthday, Matty!

2009-06-24T07:50:00.005-04:00

Happy Birthday today to our little guy...our train loving, dirt wearing, cookie eating boy.

Here are some photos from June 24 throughout the years.

Turning 1...Turning 2...

And then, this guy. Turning three wearing undies, his brother's shoes and playing a little game of T-ball in the garage.

We will be celebrating tonight by eating Matty's favorite meal...yogurt covered raisins, cheese, and rainbow sprinkles.

WARNING: Not for the faint of heart...

2009-06-19T17:14:00.006-04:00

WARNING: The following post contains explicit language and potty humor. Easily squeamish? Please do not proceed. My mommy friends? Enjoy.

We are potty training Matty. Our method? Me in Wal-mart yesterday saying, "Matty, I am tired of buying diapers. You need to go pee-pee and poo-poo in the potty." Matty: "OK."

He agreed in theory. We are still working on the "practical" part of the arrangement.

This morning, however, I hear his feet run across the floor, slam the bathroom door, and then two minutes later: "Mom! I went poo-poo in the potty. I did it!" When I go to investigate, I find him staring into his Elmo potty and he tells me, "It turned into a stinky banana."

Scroll down for a photo.

Wait. What picture did YOU think I was going to post?

Thanks

2009-06-19T14:49:00.002-04:00

Mitch (sighing heavily): "Mom, you got me the wrong yogurt for lunch. I wanted the other kind. But, that's OK. I know you were trying your best."

Cucumbers, anyone?

2009-06-15T20:38:00.005-04:00

Here are some snapshots of our little farmers in action. Mitch is in farmer heaven. His garden is growing out of control. No weeds, though, thanks to a little four-year-old and his hoe. Those are sunflowers in front, corn to the right, cucumbers in the background, with giant tomato plants somewhere in the middle.

Mitch with corn and tomatoes.

Child of the corn.

And, on an unrelated note...Here is Mitch chasing Matty around with the camera trying to take a picture. This one turned out OK.This one, not so much. This is clearly the worst picture of the child that was even taken.

'Atta Boy

2009-06-14T08:06:00.003-04:00

We finally have made it to the neighborhood pool. I have been talking it up big to the kids, about how we are going to meet lots of people who live in our neighborhood, and there will be tons of kids there to meet and play with, and they will have so much fun, blah blah blah. I really want my two guys to dive in and be friendly and meet some neighborhood boys and make friends.

My idea of making friends? 5 year-old boys. Mitch's idea of making friends? Chatting up all of the bikini-clad teenage girls at the pool. He even had one holding his hand and jumping in and swimming with him. As we were leaving, he called out and asked for her phone number. And she gave it to him. Nice work, my boy. Nice work.

Deep Thoughts...

2009-06-11T16:14:00.003-04:00

By Jack Handy. Except these thoughts are from Mitch, so it is more like Deep Thoughts from Handy Manny, but you get the idea.

Mitch has been doing some thinking lately. Really turning the gears upstairs, so I thought I would share with you a little glimpse into his brain. Now, in all fairness, Matty has been doing some thinking, too, but it is mostly about monster trucks.

Here are a few mutterings from my first born:

"Mom, guess what? The moon is nocturnal because he comes out at night and sleeps during the day. Can I have some grapes?"

"Mom, it gets to be day and night because the Earth is turning and it points to the the sun during the day and away from the sun at night. If the Earth turned really fast, it would be like night-day-night-day-night-day like really fast, huh?"

"Mom, there are two kind of turns. Like when your car turns this way, .like left or right. That is one kind, and then there is the other kind like when two kids want to play with the same toy and they have to take turns. That is the other kind of turn."

Beat me to the punch...

2009-06-07T14:58:00.005-04:00

So, last weekend we had some super, wonderful, fantastic, lifelong friends come to visit. They finished up a week at Disney with a three night stay at Chez-Ferrario, and we could not have been more excited!

They are fun! They are spunky! They have two awesome kids! They are also WAY more on the ball than I am! I have been preparing a blog post, but Sus totally beat me to it. So, please click here http://www.susannah.typepad.com/ to read all about our weekend!

And then be sure to add her to your favorites because she is a real hoot!
And because she beat me to the punch, I will post this little gem. There are our friends, knocking each other's blocks off at Wii boxing. I am wiping tears from my eyes. It was hilarious!

First Harvest

2009-06-04T13:35:00.001-04:00

This is one very excited little farmer...

More Junk Drawer...

2009-05-21T21:22:00.011-04:00

Sorry I have been a bit negligent about this little blog as of late. Turns out Mitch has discovered computer games.

Here are some more of the random haps from around these parts...

Lisa!
Guess who came to visit? My Lisa! And her daughter! And her mom! Three generations of GIRLS in my house! After living in this locker room full of boys, I was so excited! We had tea and crumpets. And went to the powder room. I channeled my inner Scarlett O'Hara! Well, not really, but it was nice to have some people of the female variety in my house! Especially people who are this adorable!

Mitch would only humor us to take this picture if he was allowed to hold on to a tool. Whatever.

Muffins!
The boys love to cook (read: create kitchen disasters). We go through a lot of green food coloring. These are muffins. Don't they look...well, green?

Fashion Police

When left to his own devices, this is the outfit that Matthew will pick out for himself. There are lobsters on the shirt and crabs on the shorts. I guess he was going for a low country boil theme. His devices are going to land his little self on TLC's What Not to Wear...Toddler edition. I guess the bigger question is, "Why are you letting a two-year-old pick out his own clothing?" I have no good answer for that.

Thanks. Thank a lot.

Mitch came home from school Monday with this little gem:

"Mom, Ms. Pam says that when you get sick, it starts in your hair and goes down your body. So, she had to look through all of our hair today to make sure we were not getting sick. Because "Tina" has something growing in her hair that made her sick and she has been missing from school for awhile, so Ms. Pam had to make sure that none of us got sick in our hair, too."

You're Hired.
We have been really encouraging Mitch lately to speak appropriately, especially to adults. Make eye contact. Speak slowly. Answer their questions. Perhaps we can now back off on this.

At the Farmer's Market on Tuesday, Mitch (clad in his favorite John Deere shirt) marched right up to a lady selling veggies.

Mitch: "How is your corn ready to harvest already? Do you have magic corn? Ours is not ready yet. Anyways, I have a garden you know!"

Farmer lady: "Oh, isn't that cute! What are you growing?"

Mitch: "Well, it has a lot of weeds right now. I have been hoeing to get them out so that they do not drink up all of the water and make it so my plants can't get any.

Farmer lady: "Well, you know, sweetie. You should try to grow something called 'squash.' Have you ever heard of squash before?"

Mitch: "Oh, yeah. I have three squash plants already growing. You have to make a little hill out of the soil and then plant the seeds in the hill. I am making compost. When it is ready, the squash will really like the compost."

Farmer lady: "Do you want a job?"

Folks, I think you are witnessing a card carrying member of Future Farmers of America in action. You heard it here first.

Dennis

Matty is a menace. An absolute menace. Remember the even tempered, good natured little baby we used to have? I do. But now he has been replace by an even tempered, good natured little hellion. He is magnetically drawn to puddles. Like getting away from me and running out into traffic to stick his feet into a puddle drawn. He possesses the power to completely tune out anything and everything Mike and I say to him, unless, of course, it contains the words ice cream, cupcake, or cookie. He frequently uses, "I don't want to" as an excuse to get out of anything...including cleaning up, eating, and bathing. Good thing he never needs to bathe.

Wal-mart

Mitch: "Mom, God uses lots of stuff up in Heaven, but when he is done with it, he sends it down to Wal-mart so we can buy it, right?"

Shalom

We are very multi-cultural around here. We encourage our children to experience a variety of cultures and viewpoints, while trying to see the world through different perspectives. We use literature as a means for opening their eyes to various world views. See? See what book Matty picked from the library?

He certainly did not select it because he thought was a book about rainbows. Nosiree.

Owen loves his mama...

2009-05-10T14:08:00.000-04:00

I had the distinct pleasure of attending the Mother's Day Luncheon at Mitch's school this morning. I was really looking forward to some special time with just the two of us, and NOT having to chase a two-year-old around. Matty, I love you dearly, but you are hell on wheels.

This morning, I laid out a charming outfit for Mitch. Nice khaki shorts, a brand-new polo shirt, respectable socks that matched...he came down dressed in a fire truck T-shirt and old shorts. Whatever. So what if the girls all had sundresses and sandals and the boys were wearing church clothes...I even saw a sweater vest, and there was quite a bit of darling argyle to be seen. But not my child. Fire trucks it is!

When we arrived, he presented me with a handmade necklace, and escorted me to my seat. I knew it was my seat because it had a picture of me taped to the back of it. See?

The funny part is, two portrait rejects were sent home this week. They did not make the cut. One had a giant green Kleenex attached to my face, and the other one had a huge purple spiderweb all over my face. Asking around, I realized that no one else had to redo their portrait, let along twice! That's Mitch for you!

We had a very nice lunch, where he showered me with gifts. Here is an excerpt from a darling book he made. This is the Q & A section where he lets out our dirty family secrets.

What color is your mommy's hair? Brown

What color are her eyes? Brown

How tall is your mommy? 689 feet

Do you know how much she weighs? Ummm...I think 600 pounds.

Your mommy is really smart. What is something that she knows a lot about? Fixing cars...and I'm really, really good at fixing lots of things.

What is something that really bothers her? When I am bad to my brother...I push on him. But he does some things wrong and I need him to stop.

What is mommy's favorite color? I'd say pink. Girls like pink and boys like blue, except me...I like green best.

What is soemthing your mommy likes to do for fun? Play with me...that's the best answer I think.

What is mommy's favorite food? I don't know. I never see her eating.

What is mommy's favorite TV show? Cartoons- Mickey Mouse and Bob the Builder

How old is your mommy? 600, that's how old her is

When is her birthday? June- yeah, June I think.

What is your favorite food that mommy cooks at home? Corn on the cob.

How does she cook it? She cooks it ahen you get it out of the garden. But I don't know how she'd get it from the garden...but it didn't ever grow yet.

What do you andyour mommy like to do together? Play farm.

What does your mommy do during the day? Go places, but I don't know where. I'm at school and she doesn't tell me. She likes to go to Walmart. We go every day. She likes Walmart, but she goes to lots of plces to buy things.

What does mommy love to do? Play with me.

If your mommy had one wish, what do you think she would wish for? I;d say to be a farmer...oh yeah, or a dancer...a farmer AND a dancer!

You mommy is the best mommy because....her plays with me a lot.

HUGE bonus points, my son, for saying that you never see me eating. Very nice. I will overlook the 600 pound comment. For now....

Then the children performed two songs, in which they were instructed to look at their mommies and sing to them about giving them hugs and kisses and love. Totally cute, right. I glanced around to see all of the little girls staring right into their mommie's eyes, singing their hearts out, mommies everywhere dabbing at eyelids with Kleenex. My son stared straight at his best friend, Luke, and sang to him the whole time. In a weird robot voice. During the second song, in which they were singing, "I believe that Jesus...." Mitch and Luke engaged in a we-are-so-not-into-this-headlock. Nice. Typical. Whatever.

All in all, it was a lovely morning. I feel very blessed to be the mother of two wonderful boys. They fill me heart and soul...all 600 pounds of it.

Apples Falling From Trees...

2009-05-09T14:46:00.003-04:00

This, while dropping Mitch off at pre-school the other morning:

Mitch's beloved teachers: "We've been talking. Is your husband kind of..well...goofy and strange? Because we know you pretty well, and we think you are normal, so we were wondering where Mitch gets it from."

Me: "Yes. Yes he is."

Two minutes ago:

Matty: "Mom, what's a hooligan?"

Me: "It's a crazy little person."

Matty: "I'm not a crazy little person!"

Me: "You're not? Who is?"

Matty: "DAD!"

Feelin' the Love....

2009-05-05T15:15:00.005-04:00

For Mother's Day.

Here is a portrait Mitch drew of me.

Sorry it is sideways, but I think you can get the gist. Yes, that is my nose in the middle of my eyes...slightly higher on my face than my eyes. Attractive, huh? And, I have no arms. No explanation was given about my sudden amputation. Also, the green on my face is a Kleenex, as apparently I am sneezing. It must be stuck to my face, as I have no arms to hold in there. Are you just feelin' the love? And the hair, don't get me started on the hair...

I had some important errands to do recently, so I took a shower in the morning and put on a button down shirt. Mitch walks in and says, "Mom, are you getting your picture taken today or something?" Nice.

Mitch: "Mom, they gave us some fruit snacks at school but they are the gross kind I don't like, so I brought them home for you for Mother's Day!"

Matty: "Mom, your hair is too bumpy!"

See, I am feelin' it this Mother's Day. You know who else is feelin' it? The man who just was here to install some more blinds. "The Blind Man," as Mitch calls him. And, The Blind Man has been here so often that Mitch is totally comfortable with him and follows him around, watching him with his tools, and talking incessantly while giving a complete play-by-play narration. Here is a brief excerpt from the verbal landslide that is my son with "worker guys-" and for some reason, he had to say BLIND MAN really, really loudly each time...

"Mom, the BLIND MAN is getting out a drill! Mom, the BLIND MAN is drilling! Can you believe what the BLIND MAN is doing, Mom? Can you? Hey, BLIND MAN! It rained here a lot last night. We had lots of lightening and thunder. Did you have thunder at your house, BLIND MAN? Did you? Did you? Good job, BLIND MAN. Good job putting up the blinds today. See you next time!"

Feelin' the love...

Because he asked...

2009-05-01T17:14:00.003-04:00

Matty just informed me that he would like to be in a movie, with, "just Matty, and not Mitchy." So then he colored lots of beautiful pictures with a lime green crayon, and would like to show them off. Think of it as a digital gallery opening, if you will. So, please grab the popcorn, sit back and relax. Prepare to be riveted.

My Apologies....

2009-05-01T08:19:00.009-04:00

to the children who live here. They actually stepped up to the plate last night and did fairly well in their Spring Music Program. Mike and I expected the worst, sat in the last row, and carefully stowed our brown paper bags with the eye holes cut out in case it all went south in a hurry. Now please do not judge and say that we are terrible parents, setting expectations too low, blah blah blah. Mike and I have suffered through many public events, watching our goofballs in action. It is taking it's toll on our sanity.

Matty's group performed first. And, despite not actually singing a single word, and playing with his plastic dolphin toy the entire time on stage, he was...respectable. His dolphin made circles for "The Wheels on the Bus," but he did not run off the stage. He did not cry. A couple of times, he put his dolphin on his head, but all in all, we will take it! Here he is, happily NOT singing, chewing on his dolphin.

During the three-year-old performance, this little girl turned her back to the crown, pulled her frilly dress over her head, and pouted. HA! Ours would not be the worst kids there!
Then for the four-year-olds. Mitch did...fine! Now, he did yawn approximately 37 times while on stage. Apparently he found the whole performance somewhat boring. And he did not do many of the motions, but, really, he was hampered by injury. Just prior to leaving for the school, he had an unfortunate run-in with an apple pealer. He lost. He ran upstairs to put on some Band-Aids. While only one finger was bleeding, he got blood on every other finger, and so he just put Band-Aids everywhere. Black Band-Aids. Black Pirate Band-Aids. In his defense, every time he tried to do a hand motion, he would get distracted by his 14 black pirate Band-Aids. Here is some footage.

I was so excited to see the boy next to Mitch pull his arms inside his shirt and proceed to flop his empty sleeves around! Yes! We could hold our heads up high and claim the kids as our own, not plead, "We're not red-heads! He's not ours!" Way to go, boys!

Please stand by...

2009-04-30T13:26:00.002-04:00

For the post I am anticipating writing this evening or tomorrow morning. The boys have a "Spring Music Program" tonight at their school. I do not expect it to go well. I was subbing last week at a practice. Matty played with the carpet fuzz the entire time he was on stage, and Mitch ate his jacket sleeve and looked around like he was a homeless boy who had just stumbled in looking for a warm place to stay. Completely clueless.

Here are some thoughts leading up to it.

Me: "Matty, you guys are going to sing 'This Little Light of Mine." Show me the light you make with your finger."

Matty: "I can't. My light is broken."

and also

Mitch: "The kids all sing the real words, but I just like to sing 'La la la la" and make up other words really loud."

If you need us, Mike and I will be the parents in the back row, scooched way down in our seats.

We love speech class....

2009-04-22T22:03:00.002-04:00

Two months ago...
Mitch: "Mom, at Halloween you cut the roos oss a punkin and then light a candle on sire and put it inside, right?"

Yesterday:
Mitch: "Mom, at Halloween you cut the roof off a pumpkin and then light a candle on fire and put it inside, right?"

Thanks to you, speech class, we may not have to change the spelling of our last name to S-E-R-R-A-R-I-O!

More Junk....

2009-04-19T13:13:00.009-04:00

*I feel like Peppermint Patty. Mitch is always calling me Sir.

*In our ongoing efforts to civilize the hooligans, and because we are searching for silver linings with the passing away of Mike's dad, we have been going to church...with the hooligans. They do not have a "cry room" or designated place for the kids to generally go nutso, so they sit with us. We have enlisted the help of coloring books and sticker books to help us make it through the hour. We try to stick strictly to books and crayons, following an unfortunate incident with a monster truck a few weeks back. The church does, however, have doughnuts available at the end of the service. And, you can just bet that we have "reminded" (read: threatened) the kids at least 5 separate times each week about not getting a doughnut at the end.

Well, it was Mike's "one weekend a month" this weekend, and the kids and I packed up our books and headed to church. I was definitely outnumbered, and functioning in the zone defense. We were doing fairly well up until the last ten minutes or so. This is when they started getting pretty restless. The pictures had all been colored (scribbled), they were bored of sticking stickers all over themselves, and they could just smell the doughnuts. It started with Matty, while I was holding him, trying to get the "booger" off of my face. It is actually a mole, child. Nice.

Then, I could hear Matty whispering to himself. I tuned in, and he was whispering, "chocolate, sprinkles, chocolate doughnut, cookies...". And then there was a spontaneous, all be it brief, wet willy fest. And a noogie.

Church culminated with the person in line ahead of us grabbing the last sprinkle doughnut. I grabbed a substitute for Matty, but he was not having it. He threw a full-blown, two-year-old-at-his-finest, hissy fit. Complete with shrieking, crying, and rolling around on the floor. I leaned down to get him off the floor, while holding two doughnuts, only to have all of the coloring books fall out of my purse and onto his head. This made him even more angry, and he proceeded to roll across the room, right into the legs of the priest. The priest looked down and was very...confused. I muttered something incoherent, like, "so sorry...no sprinkle doughnuts...." and scooped him up and we were out of there. Though, not before I heard an old woman exclaim, "Oh my!" Oh well, we tried.

*Mitch has spent the day wearing a yellow coal-miners hat, so nothing falls out of a tree and lands on his head. I drew the line at it going into church, but he immediately donned it upon leaving. I did allow it to go into Sam's Club. I can only fight so many battles, people.

*When we were leaving Sam's Club, I saw Donald Rumsfeld. I am certain of it. He was wearing Skecher's sneakers and getting into a gray Toyota Prius. He had purchased bulk sizes of ketchup and mustard. Now, think about it. It is not that implausible. Columbia is a nice city, great climate, super weather. He could have retired here, and spends his time hosting hot dog cook-outs for former cabinet members. I will be on the lookout. Maybe I will see Dick Cheney in Target or Condi Rice in the Hobby Lobby.

2009-04-18T14:51:00.001-04:00

Our Three-Ring Circus is Now Complete...

2009-04-05T15:01:00.002-04:00

While working in the yard the other day, our neighbor wandered over and asked us if we might be interested in something that his boys had outgrown...a full-sized, two-room bouncy castle, complete with its own blower/motor. Uh, yeah. We might be interested.

Here it is, in all of it's ridiculous glory, inside the man garage.

To make matters even more ridiculous, here is Aunt Mimi...who came to visit...who is getting sawed to pieces...inside the bouncy castle...

We are the circus.

Maybe next year...

2009-03-20T14:01:00.000-04:00

Leprechaun trap. No luck.

Camping on the Trail

2009-03-20T13:48:00.004-04:00

Here are some pictures from Matthew's class. They had a camping day this morning. They decorated tents (boxes) and made a fire (out of paper) and had s'mores. His darling teacher had flashlights for all of them, and they even got to wear their PJ's!

A Conversation From Our Home...

2009-03-20T13:46:00.003-04:00

Matty, coming to find me and whining: "uuuuuuuu, uuuuuuuuuu"

Me: "My, you are very whiny. Why are you whining?"

Matty, yelling toward the kitchen: "Those are NOT raisins!"

Mike, yelling from the kitchen: "Yes, they ARE raisins!"

Did I miss something here?

Happy St. Patrick's Day...

2009-03-18T19:20:00.001-04:00

Mitch: "Mom, this is the BEST day of the year because everyone has to wear green, and everywhere I look, I will just see green."

More of the Drawer...

2009-03-12T15:03:00.004-04:00

I am really liking the "junk drawer" format. I can rarely finish a sentence around this nuthouse, let alone put together a cohesive posting. This way, I can just throw a bunch of random thoughts together and call it good.

Sorry I have been a bit absent as of late. Beautiful weather, a rampant stomach flu bug, and taxes (which require my husband to use the computer) have kept me away. But fear not...the weather is turning terrible starting tomorrow, we all seem to be on the mend, and the taxes...well....let's hope they are finished soon. This year is a doozie, what with moving and rental properties and whatnot. Anyway, with further ado...

*The weather this past week has been glorious. Absolutely stunning. I LOVE that first day. You know the day. The first really warm, balmy, breezy day right after winter. The birds are singing, everything seems fresh and renewed. It just makes you want to get outside, throw on your Daisy Dukes and a bikini top and wash the car. So I did.

*Well, actually I put on capri pants and used tons of self-tanner on the bottoms of my legs so as not to scare off said birds due to the sheer white-girl-ness of my legs. My Daisy Dukes were in the wash.

*A while back, the weather was not nice and we had a stay-inside-and-clean-out-the-closets-day. When you clean out the closets, you never know what kind of "treasures" you will unearth. Matthew found this, and this is how he spent the day. Nap, dinner, and all. He was oh, so pleased with himself when he discovered he had a tail.

*The hooligans and I met my parents at the South Carolina Aquarium in Charleston a few weeks back. They had all kinds of awesome fish, sharks, rays, jellyfish...you name it. They even had a great touch tank where you could pick up and hold hermit crabs, sea urchins and little rays. My kids, however, spent their time playing on the play boat, fairly oblivious to the aquariums teaming with fantastic sea life all around them. Here is the captain.

*They also were enthralled by the machine that squishes a penny and turns it into a souvenir with a picture of a shark on it. Matty liked his so much that, while during a momentary lapse in adult supervision, he ran away and tried to jam it into the working mechanisms of the escalator.

*Here are Mitch and Papa walking in the aquarium. Does anyone else out there have really weird kids, too?

*I had the opportunity to sub a few weeks back in Mitch's class alongside the beloved Ms. Pam. For President's Day, Ms. Pam read them a story all about George Washington...the hatchet, the cherry tree, I can not tell a lie, the whole nine yards. Then, they made a George out of paper and cotton balls for hair. She did a great job presenting the lesson and story and having the kids create the art project. Really, I was there. It was great. When we got home, I said,

Me: "Mitch, tell Dad all about George Washington."

Mitch: "I don't know."

Me: "What did he do? What kind of tool did he use?"

Mitch: "A tape measure."

Me (holding up his George artwork): "Mitch, who is this?"

Mitch: "A pirate. ARRGHHH!"

*Grandma Julie recently sent the boys a beautiful amaryllis bulb for them to plant, water, and watch grow. Mitch, with his inner farmer yearning to break free, took matters into his own hands. "Don't worry, Mom. I opened up the flower and found a vase and everything. It's all set!" Nice.

*Finally, Mitch has started a new endeavor as of late. He has qualified for some speech articulation help from the district. It is great! We go twice a week down the road, he has a wonderful speech therapist, and he loves it. His first letter he is working on is letter "Ff." He pronounces F's like S's. Well, he is making great strides and we practice, practice, practice. Recently, while practicing with Grandma, he announced, "Boy, I sure do say a lot of F words!" All in due time, my dear, all in due time.

Junk Drawer...

2009-02-22T20:22:00.008-05:00

You know that drawer in your house, usually in the kitchen, that seems to have become a home for all of the random items that seem to have no where else to go? They don't really belong to any certain category, so they all just get glommed together in a big, random drawer. Well, here is the junk drawer of blog posts...

*Our third car garage is a separate and lovely space, with tools and peg-board and a dart board and generally boyish kinds of stuff. The boys (all three of them) have claimed this space and nicknamed it "The Man Garage." Ha ha, funny funny, inside joke. Until I heard the darling nine-year-old neighbor girl say the other day, "Hey, Mitch! Let's go get some of the toys out of the man garage!" Nice.

*While the boys and I were flying back from Michigan last Sunday (Mike had to take a different flight), I approached the gate lady and asked her to reassign our seats, as I was in 5D, Matty was in 9B, and Mitch was in 11A. The lady looked at me (with the hooligans right there), and said, "Well, yeah. The thing is that the flight is completely booked so I really can not switch seats just because you want to sit together." My reply, "Well, yeah. They are 4 and 2, and I really do not want to sit together, but I probably should, and I bet that the people sitting right next to them right now would love for you to figure something out." Duh.

*We returned home to find a series of notes and checklists in our kitchen that the darling neighbor girl (aka, the catsitter) had written to herself. This is a favorite.

*I love being a mother of boys, especially boys' boys. Boys who love to work. With tools. You never know when you are going to walk around a corner and see things like this. Plastic power drill. Box of real screws pilfered out of the man garage. Bag of goldfish.

*Speaking of boys who live in my house, the following are not uncommon sights. You never know when you are going to find a pile of rocks just sitting on the kitchen counter. This would be the work of Matty. He is our rock guy.

Or wander into your kitchen to find bungee cords strapped to your chandelier. Thank you, Mitch.

The truly sad part is that I did not even really notice the rocks or the booby trap until the neighbor girl (gosh, she is showing up quite a bit today) walked into the kitchen, made a strange face, and started asking me questions.

*I had the pleasure of subbing in Mitch's class this past week, observing first hand what a strange ranger the boy is. They were talking about the letter Ss, and beloved Ms. Pam showed them a picture of a seagull and asked them if they knew where seagulls lived. One child (not mine, but it is still funny) shouted out, "In the Wal-mart parking lot!" Too true, little one, too true.

*At any given time, my younger (and usually more dependable and normal) child will wrap himself with toilet paper, state for the record that he is a robot, and run around yelling, "Danger! Danger!"

*And finally to the bottom of the junk drawer, Mitch received an awesome "Explorer Belt" for Christmas from Mike's parents. Talk about right up a kid's alley. It came equipped with gloves, a magnifying glass, a notebook, and a spade. Mitch takes it everywhere, and has taken the liberty to include some more items that he can surely not live without. (Recently, a friend referred to him as MacGuyver. Spot on.) Here he is with his explorer belt.

This is actually the second take of the this photo, because the first one looked like this.

Currently, his explorer belt contains the aforementioned factory stocked items, as well as Mitch additions of Hershey's kisses, several small twigs, a green marker, a Go Diego Go figurine, a starfish, 4 screwdrivers, 2 wrenches, a Diego helicopter thingy that he "uses as a hook in case he has to climb things", a Candyland card that has two green squares on it, a small table leg (don't ask), batteries, Band-aids, and a picture of himself in his Halloween costume when he was three. Wow. He is going to make a kick-ass boyscout.

2009-02-16T10:11:00.002-05:00

Because I am really bad at sitting down and writing in a "baby book", I use this blog to chronicle the lives of my young children. Mostly, the stories involve them being completely ridiculous, and our attempts to deal with them. I also try to capture milestones and big events in their lives so that they can look back at this someday and laugh and learn.

Well, with the fun times also come the difficult ones. I am saddened to say that Mike's father passed away a week ago, at the young age of 61. He was a loving husband, father, and grandfather, and we will miss him terribly. We flew back to Michigan last week for the services. It has been a difficult week, but there was a beautiful service and we reconnected with cousins, family, and friends we have not seen recently.

Rest assured, I'll be back with zany stories and hooligan pictures, but right now I want to tell my kids that their Papa Ed loved them very much, and we will do our best to share stories about him as they grow, to keep his memory alive in all of our hearts.

When in Rome...

2009-02-02T18:23:00.002-05:00

Do as the Romans do. When in South Carolina, go to Monster Jam! We attended the monster truck show in Columbia. I was a little unsure of what to wear, being that all of my camo was in the wash, but I did settle on some nice jeans and a sweatshirt. Nothing overstated, I thought. Turned out I was terribly overdressed. I had on sleeves.

Here are the hooligans, pre-show, showing off their collection of monster trucks. I have to admit that these were not purchased at the show. Neither the trucks nor the kids. No, we already had these beauties in our possession.

See the gleam in their eyes? They were so very excited!

Here is the pre-show warm-up. This is a woman, aptly named "Cannon Lady" being shot out of a cannon. No lie. The boys were not sure quite what to make of this, but I am monitoring their behavior closely. I can just see Mitch stuffing his little brother into a contraption and trying to shoot him across the room while my back is turned. Or while I sit four rooms away blogging.
Here is what Matthew looked like the entire time. He did not move. He did not blink. He was completely spellbound. Bodes well for the future, huh?

Action shot. Here is"Monster Mutt" flying high over some unfortunate automobiles. It had big floppy ears and a wagging tail. Needless to say, the boys loved it. I'm sure to walk out into the garage soon and find some sort of paper tongue glued to the front of my Honda Accord.
And here was the big winner of the day! Direct from Kill Devil Hills, North Carolina...."It's Digger time!" Apparently Grave Digger jumped higher, crunched up more stuff, and flung more dirt at people while spinning around in a semi-out-of control state. Congratulations to Grave Digger!

And that, my friends, concludes our visit to the Monster Jam. Carry on.

Ladies, Can I Get an Amen?

2009-01-30T14:50:00.003-05:00

My wonderful friend Shannon just told me this story, and there are still tears of laughter in my eyes. Here goes:

While Shannon was picking up her neighbor's daughter to take to school this morning, she noticed that her neighbor was wearing a beautiful and cozy robe, but had her hand covering something up by her chest. When Shannon asked her about it, her neighbor rolled her eyes and said, "My husband bought this robe for me and was so excited because he had it monogrammed for me." She lowered her hand to show the initials embroidered on the robe:
M O M.

Yeah, her name is Becky. There are no M's anywhere in her "name."

Her hubby could not possibly understand why she was not happy. Ladies?

Congratulations, Stephanie!

2009-01-29T15:57:00.002-05:00

Yeah for Stephanie! A new baby girl, Molly Catherine, born yesterday morning. Weighing in at 7 lbs, 10 oz. I find it hilarious that after 31 hours of labor with her first child, she had a 3 (yes, 3) hour labor with little Molly and made it the hospital with only 20 minutes to spare. Ha!

Congrats!

Home Improvements...

2009-01-24T11:39:00.002-05:00

With moving come all of the tasks involved. Cleaning, unpacking, organizing, making little improvements here and there, and the list goes on and on. Glad to see that the boys understand and realize that everyone must pull his or her own weight around here.

*Coloring the trees in the front yard with chalk. Check.

Congratulations, Lisa!

2009-01-22T20:17:00.005-05:00

Olivia Grace, born today, weighing in at 6 lbs. 9 ounces, and 19 1/2 inches. Can not wait to meet the new love of your life. Congratulations, Lis!

Now, on to Stephanie...

Blizzard, 2009 Update

2009-01-20T17:27:00.002-05:00

Family and Friends:

I am writing to update you with our intense winter weather conditions. There is, indeed, snow. Motorists were urged to stay home today. All local schools were cancelled, and many more are operating on a delayed start to the day tomorrow. Without further ado, I bring you startling images from Blizzard, 2009!

Are you kidding me?

2009-01-19T18:57:00.003-05:00

6 pm Monday evening: I just got a call from the kids' school. School tomorrow has been cancelled. In preparation for the Winter Storm that is approaching. They are predicting anywhere between a dusting and one whole inch of snow to fall in a twelve hour period. I was at Wal-mart today. People are stocking up in preparation. There was no bread or milk. Don't worry, everyone. The boys and I are taking proper precautions. We have the snow shovels ready. Scarves and mittens are laid out in preparation for the blizzard. If you don't hear from me for a few days, it is because I am holed up in my house waiting for Spring. Oh, the humanity!

Mitch's Daddy

2009-01-15T13:14:00.003-05:00

No, we are not about to reveal who the real red-headed baby daddy is.

This week at school, Mitch's class has been talking about their daddies, since the dad's tend to get completely gypped out of cool hand-made cards as Father's Day falls during summer break. Here are some of Mitch's thoughts about his daddy, as dictated to Ms. Pam:

My daddy is special because...he loves to build with me.

When I do something wrong my Dad...takes me to time-out in my room.

My favorite thing my Dad cooks is...nothing because he makes my mom cook everything. He is just the eater.

When my dad cooks...I tell you, he never cooks. He doesn't want to.

My Dad is ____ years old. I don't know. He's big. I'll tell you tomorrow. I'll ask him tonight and I'll bet he'll tell you.

My Dad's favorite thing to do is...play with me.

I love my Dad because....I just do. I just love my Daddy.

Doesn't Everyone Have A Jobsite?

2009-01-15T13:05:00.002-05:00

Welcome to our backyard, aka, "The Jobsite." A lot of things go on here. But not playing. The things that happen here are all work related. There is digging. Building. Moving. Smoothing. Lifting. Burying. But it is all definitely work-related. And, when Christmas is over, the Christmas tree ends up there for a few days until garbage day.

Only Mitch...

2009-01-14T14:04:00.002-05:00

Mitch: "Hey, Mom and Dad. Could we play London Bridge?"

Us, thinking Great! A standard nursey rhyme! Maybe he isn't so weird after all!: "Sure, Mitch. Come on in the middle."

Mitch: "Oh no! You just start singing it and playing it."

Us: "OK. "London Bridge is falling down....falling down....falling down...."

Mitch, running with his tool box full of tools: "OK. What seems to be the problem here? You say the bridge is falling down?"

Hooliganisms...

2009-01-13T19:59:00.001-05:00

Matty, while draining the bathtub water: "Bye bye water. Go down the drain. With all your friends. And go to school. And don't forget your backpack!"

Today at school, as retold by the beloved Ms. Pam:
Ms. Pam: "We have been talking about our favorite authors. Tomorrow for show and tell, I would like you to bring a book written by your favorite author."
Mitch: "Oh, I don't have any books at home, so I had just better bring a construction vehicle."

The Birds and the Bees...and the Hammers...

2009-01-05T20:35:00.002-05:00

According to Mitch.

Here is an excerpt from our bedtime conversation two minutes ago.

Mitch: "Mom, God has a store up in the clouds with all kinds of little boys. And he has a store of all kinds of little girls. And then he picks one out and he sends it down to you. And he picked me out and sent me down and I was really little and I flew into your mouth and I went down a big, big slide and splashed down into your tummy with all of the food. And then I grew in there, and then when I was big enough, I used all of my hammers to climb back out and it probably hurt you a little bit with all of those hammers but that is the only way out. And then you had a little baby Mitch. Right, Mom?"

Me: "Uh, sure."

According to Matty...

2009-01-05T19:53:00.002-05:00

there are two types of trains.

"Chug" trains and "Whoa" trains, as is Whoa ! Whoa!

More rooms are coming together...

2009-01-05T13:04:00.005-05:00

Here are a few more photos of the new abode. Office.

Finished Room Over Garage, also known as a FROG or Room Over. It is the South Carolina equivalent of a basement.

And the family room. Please note the topiaries. They are glad to be out of the apartment.

I don't make the news, I just report it...

2009-01-05T12:55:00.004-05:00

Every once in awhile, someone will pay me a compliment regarding this little blog that I have here. Always, I just shrug. Truly, I have very, very little to do with the actual blog. Oh, sure. I take a moment here or there to jot down a few stories or post a few pictures, but the real meat of the blog, the content, comes from the hooligans that live here (and I am lumping all three males in this household into the hooligan category today). Seriously, folks. I just write about what I see here. I am a silent observer. Oh, and I sometimes run and grab a camera.

Case in point: For our anniversary, I bought Mike a wetsuit, and some kiteboarding lessons to be used at a later date. What better way to thank the man for ten years of marriage than to fully equip him to have some high-adrenaline time to himself? So, he opens the wetsuit. Most people would say a polite thank you, and then maybe, maybe try it on to ensure that it fits. My hubby stop there? Never! Mike always has to go to the next step. Here he is in freezing cold water.

And, of course, hooligan see, hooligan do.

Matthew, thankfully, respectfully declined. There's hope for that boy yet!

Bon Voyage

2009-01-01T18:30:00.002-05:00

Matty, while eating dinner: "Goodbye, rice. Daddy, my rice is going to it's new home. In my belly."

10 Years...

2008-12-31T09:10:00.006-05:00

Disclaimer: The following is probably headed in the direction of a sappy, sentimental post, marking our ten year anniversary. Just so you know what you are getting into...

TEN YEARS! Wow! It was ten years ago today that I married my best friend. What a ceremony! What a reception! What a party!

The wedding day included a huge blizzard, the limo forgetting to pick up the gentlemen (groom and all) from the hotel to take them to the church, limos doing doughnuts in the K-Mart parking lot, being surrounded by our most special family and friends, Hail to the Victors, great toasts ("Don't eat the mistletoe-" JC Morgan), dinner, dancing, noisemakers, New Year's Hats, Dr. Chicken, two French foreign exchange students really getting down, my darling sister-in-law demanding that the DJ play "Pour Some Sugar on Me," and lots and lots of fun. But most of all, it meant a couple of "I do's" from some youngsters crazy in love.

Since then, it has been a whirlwind ten years, including living in Texas, Arizona, Korea, Utah, Florida, and now South Carolina. It has also included trips across the country, Hawaii, Korea, China, Japan, Thailand, Jamaica, and Europe. We've skied. We've attended an Olympic Winter Games. We've waterskied and wakebaorded. We've lived ten years of Air Force life, with Air Force friends, who have become lifelong friends no matter where we all live. And, of course, ten years has produced the hooligans.

Even though we are busier than ever, and not nearly as much of "youngsters" as we once were, I like to think that we are still two crazy kids in love.

Thanks, Mike, for a wonderful ten years of adventures, miracles, and joy. Looking forward to the next ten.

Christmas, by the numbers

2008-12-30T12:38:00.002-05:00

1880...the approximate number of miles we drove over the holidays

80 bazillion...how many miles it really seemed like

12...the number of hours it took us to drive from South Carolina to Michigan

2...the number of stops we made on the way there. The kids were incredible! It was all that Christmas, road-trip excitement! We can hardly believe we only had to stop twice. That's what great gas mileage and pre-emptively dehydrating your children can do for you!

1...the temperature, in degrees Fahrenheit, when we arrived.

-20...the wind chill when we arrived. Oh yeah, that's negative, baby.

61....the temperature, in degrees Fahrenheit, two days after Christmas. Only in Michigan. Only in Michigan.

almost 14...the number of hours it took us to drive back from Michigan. A freaky traffic jam north of Charlotte combined with a Matthew breakdown that only could only be solved with a doughnut caused us to move a little slower on the way home. Oh, and also this incident slowed us down...

18...the number of times I have burst out laughing since the following happened yesterday. Mike says, while at a stop and switching drivers, "OK. Now I'm driving. Time to really lay down some tracks. Yup, I'm behind the wheel. Time for some speed. Oh- no way to turn left here. We'll I'm just a clever enough cat to be able to figure out a way around it. Yessiree, I'll just go here and there, and then we are off! Here we go, onto the freeway. Oh, am I getting on the freeway the wrong direction? Oh, we're heading north. Oops." Way to lay down the tracks, Mario Andretti.

27 trazillion....the approximate number of calories I have eaten in the past week. The treadmill and I are going to be having quite the relationship in the new year.

9...the number of homemade pans of cinnamon rolls I have delivered to neighbors and teachers in the past month

5...the number of pans in the freezer that I forgot to bring to Michigan that will be calling my name every time I walk past them. The little jerks. Maple frosting covered jerks.

1...the number of cameras we forgot on our trip. You'll just have to use your imagination. Think little angels, all dressed up for Christmas. Joy on their faces. Playing together peacefully and remembering the real reason for the season. Then, remember whose blog you are actually reading and picture snotty noses and drool, all green clothing, and totally uncooperative hooligans.

A boatload...the number of completely ridiculous arguments we heard from the backseat. Here is an example. While driving near Detroit.
Matty: "Wook. A mountain."
Mitch: "No, Matty. It's a factory."
Matty: "A mountain."
Mitch: "A factory."
Matty: "A mmm-ooouuunnnn-ttttt-aaaaiiiiiinnnnnn!"
Mitch: "A ffffaaaaaaccccc-tttttt-ooooooorrrrrrryyyyyyy!"
Repeat about thirty thousand times.

And here comes the cheesy part:

Infinity...the joy we all received from spending the holidays with all of our loved ones.

Happy New Year!

Hey Ya'll-

2008-12-20T12:36:00.001-05:00

I just returned from a neighborhood Holiday Brunch and Ornament Exchange. I really liked the ladies in the neighborhood.

Oh, and I had shrimp and grits. And it was delicious.

Hooligans + Zoo = Zooligans!

2008-12-17T09:35:00.004-05:00

We love our zoo. I mean, we really LOVE our zoo. Just on a normal, random Tuesday, it is great. Clean. Organized. Easy to navigate. The animals seem to live in niced sized enclosures and seem to be fairly content with their lot in life. But, on a holiday, such as Halloween or Christmas, our zoo becomes fantastic. We went on Monday night to the Lights Before Christmas. We saw the zebras and the elephants (Matty's favorites) and all the green Christmas lights (Mitch's favorites) and waited in a very short line to see Santa.

Both boys rushed him. Matty actually did some excited skippy, hoppy sort of thing...all the while yelling "I want trains! I want trains!" Mitch hopped right up and proceeded to talk Santa's beard off, all about how Bruder toys are made in Germany and the plastic is heated and shot into heavy duty molds (Thanks, Bruder, for the informational DVD with the last order). Santa was a very nice Santa. He did not rush them. Did not mind me taking pictures. And acted like he cared a whole bunch about where Bruder toys are made.

Are we there yet?

2008-12-13T22:27:00.002-05:00

Are the boxes all gone? Is there a place for everything and every thing is in its place? In a word...No. In two words. Heck, no! In four words...are you kidding me? But we can now get both cars in the garage, we have hung up a few pictures, and I know where most everything is. Here are a few photos of the new digs, in no particular order.

Here is Mitch's room. Note please the window. This is a new blue canvas Roman shade. We went a bit out on a limb picking these for the boys' rooms, but I really like them.

Matty's room.

These are the aforementioned pictures that are hung.

You will find me here.

This would have been nice to have posted first. Oh well. Here is the front entryway. And that's a vacuum cleaner hose in the bottom of the picture. My floor obsession lives on.

Dining room.

Here is our entryway from the garage. Laundry room is to the right of the picture. I love this area.

That's all for now. I will clean up some more rooms and take some more photos later!

Why Christmas Makes Me Drink...

2008-12-13T21:55:00.004-05:00

My darling hubby is working this weekend, participating in a super-high-anxiety inspection that makes normally laid back Guard slackers all fidgety and uptight. Yuck. Anyway, I thought that our "life lessons" have been a little lacking lately with the hooligans, what with all of the moving and all. Sooooo...perfect idea. I will take the hooligans to a toy store. Let them select some toys for disadvantaged children, and we will donate them. Passing on the Christmas spirit. Check. Helping others. Check. Generosity. Love. Selflessness. Check. Check. Check.

It started with a big lecture. "Some kids have parents who love them very much, but they do not have enough money for Christmas presents...blah blah blah." We jump in the car, head to Toys R Us. On a Saturday. Before Christmas. While they were having some sort of Door Buster nonsense that meant that every single person within the greater Columbia should converge upon Toys R Us right now. DO IT! Let the giant giraffe be your guide. Get in 50 million car accidents on the freeway on your way there! Take up all the parking places! Let your children generally run amok in the store! Door Busters, people!

Well, needless to say, my plan was flawed. Severely flawed. We were nearly rear-ended on the freeway. We could not park. Trying to keep an eye on both children without backup was darn-near impossible. Actually selecting thoughtful presents was impossible, but we managed to just grab some things. Like tons of sidewalk chalk. No idea why, but Mitch latched onto getting the kids sidewalk chalk.

By the time we made it to the checkout, my kids had had it, I had had it, they both wanted to drive the stupid carousel car thing at the same time, causing them to argue, scream, try to bean each other senseless, and me to pretend I did not know them as all the parents turned to stare at the fighting hooligans. I finally paid, claimed the hooligans as my own, and took our prizes and sidewalk chalk to the customer service counter, so the hooligans could present their donations, be filled with the joy of Christmas, and I could call it a day. "Oh, sorry ma'am. The Marines already picked up the donations for the year." Despite the giant Toys for Tots signs adorning the front windows (along with Door Busters! Run Amok! signs)? Oh, Hell.

By the time we made it home, after traffic and low-blood sugar meltdowns on all of our parts, both kids went to time-out and I was wondering if it was 5 o'clock somewhere. With a trunk still full of toys. And sidewalk chalk.

Out of the Mouths of...well....Hooligans

2008-12-08T12:48:00.003-05:00

Us: "Mitch! You had better knock that off. Santa is watching, and if you are not good, he will just bring you a lump of coal for Christmas."

Mitch (thinking): "Oh, that's OK! I could use the coal to make things and power them! I could make a coal train. And a coal powered tractor that has it's own generator. And a truck powered by coal! That would be great!"

Us: "Matty, do you like going to school and playing with your friends?"

Matty: "Yes!"

Us: "What are your friend's names?"

Matty: "Ummmm....Moose!"

2008-12-05T21:19:00.003-05:00

Holiday Greetings! I have climbed out from under some boxes to bring you a few photos of our recent family fun-fest. Back in October, when the house hunting was at a stand-still, and we were staring at a lackluster holiday season spent amongst the fellow tenants of the ghetto apartment building, we had a great idea! Let's drive up to the mountains of North Carolina and chop down our own Christmas tree! Let's stay in a log cabin! Let's do it right after Thanksgiving! We won't be busy! It will be perfect!

My, how things changed. The house happened. Closing happened. The movers showed up with ALL of our long lost treasures, which was about 200 boxes more than I remember them packing up. Thanksgiving happened. And then we put the settling in on hold and drove north, landed west of Asheville at the idyllic Boyd Mountain Log Cabins and Christmas Tree Farm, and spent a glorious night in a charming, cozy, and rustic 150 year old log cabin, and then woke up the next morning to a fresh dusting of snow. We then trudged all around to find the perfect Christmas tree. It was awesome. The kids loved it, except for the part when I kept running in front of them and kneeling in the snow and yelling their names, all paparazzi-like, to try to take a photo or two. They were not having it. Simply not having it. Here are some fairly acceptable ones, though it did take me approximately 52,000 tries to even get these lovelies. There were some really horrible ones. Maybe I should just post those in the future!

Please take note of Matty's ever-present drool. (I have asked the doctor and the child dentist about this. Perfectly normal...just not socially acceptable. Let's hope he gets over it and learns to swallow prior to, oh say, 7th grade.) The drool actually froze and turned into an icicle.

Here is Mitch on the first take. Relatively cooperative. It went downhill from here...in a hurry.
Here he is somewhat later in the photo shoot, where I am yelling things like "Pickle Face" and "Spongebob Squarepants!" at him, ala the elementary school creepy school photograph guy, just minus the plastic comb.

And here is the real Mitch, thoroughly over the entire photography thing. I had better get used to this face. I think I may see a good deal of it when he is a teenager.

Happy Holidays from the Hooligans!

Overheard from the tub...

2008-12-03T20:29:00.001-05:00

Matthew: "I drive the train. Mitchy...go in the backseat."

We' ve Landed...

2008-12-03T13:02:00.002-05:00

Just a quick post to let ya'll know that we are here. The furniture is somewhat in place, the dishes are put away, and not a picture hung on the walls yet, but we are here and we are happy. The kids LOVE the house (as do we!). I have been reunited with my KitchenAid and my Dansko's, though I have yet to find my marbles. Probably in a box marked pots and pans, yet delivered to the guest room by the movers, only to open it up to find a garden hose. Ahhh....Movers. My Air Force friends are nodding right now, I know it.

Mike has also been reunited with his beloved Weber grill, and we have been enjoying it's char-broiled goodness once again. Everything seemed to survive storage fairly well, though our household goods won't tell me where they were kept. They don't want to talk about it.

Pictures and such will follow soon...after we tackle more boxes. That's all for now!

See Ya on the Flip Side!

2008-11-23T19:02:00.002-05:00

Hey there!

After a serioulsy long day of packing, Mike is putting the finishing touches on the U-Haul truck, and we are out of the ghetto apartment and into the "Acorn House" as of tomorrow morning! Wish me luck (if you like me. If you don't, wish me sticky fingered movers who helped themselves to some items here and there, a la our last move) on getting in and getting settled.

Not sure when our new internet and all will be up and running, but the next broadcast should be from the natural beauty of our office, overlooking the lovely trees changing color and the running stream in the backyard, as opposed to sitting on the couch, with one eye on the computer and the other on the apartment nieghbor's dog to see if it poops and the neighbor leaves it on the grass. Hey, a $25 reward for catching a non-poop-scooper in the act! That's a dinner at Rob Robin!